Love In Boxing Ring

The open wounds

Samuel

"I don't want this discussion any further" he looked up from his cup of steaming coffee. I just wanted to leave the table and the shitty conversation. " you are not a kid anymore " he uttered one of his decisive tone again, Same tone which he used to decide; wether should I stay in town or should I leave. Years ago, he deprived me off my childhood, now he is trying to deprive me off my adolescence. For once in life, I wanted to take my own decisions,wanted to do the things that please me.

"I am busy at school" I said. He stared at me, putting his cup in the saucer before taking a sip carefully, mounting his one hand on another and bringing them together to his perched lips, he sighed " I just want you to have some quality time together " he sounded like a concerned father, but who am I kidding?. The only thing that he is concerned about is his business,I don't fucking want his fatherly concern, anyway,I tried to reason with myself.

" I don't want you to be lonely " looking up to the ceiling he furrowed in grave thoughts. I could not believe what I just heard. Who the hell was he kidding' I thought. The times ,when I needed him so much, were my moments of loneliness. I fucking wanted him to hug me,to sooth me,to....love me. But he was nowhere near me.

" I am leaving early " he looked at his wrist watch and Dragged the chair behind to stand up , stretching out the wrinkles, formed in his three piece suit ,he walked to the door.

" I am not lonely,.... I have friends at school " I retorted. He turned around and frowned,walking to the table he placed both of his hands on the edges, slightly bending ,he eyed me" you need a real person to rely on, not some chick to fuck around" he continued further " the person who can make you happy at sad moments ,can make you comfortable in their presence and can take care of you as a little kid" he announced all the things-- one by one--- that I craved for, especially from him,since the day mother had died,a day when I lost my everything.

xxx

The sound of squealing wheels,honking horn and thumping noise of heartbeats-- ready to explode -- recurred again. Mother and I were in a hurry to reach home after she picked me up from school,but----

" are you alright? " my reign of thoughts was interrupted by the concerned voice of Maria. Her gaze trailed me up and down before stopping at my face, placing the tray on the table she sat next to me. If I were in my normal state ,I would have bruised her off ,but the sudden remembering of the painful memories,
teared my ego apart. I drooped my head in an attempt to recover myself. She just saw the glossy eyes, which I have hidden so perfectly under the impression of a spoiled rich kid, not even George ever had the privilege of being a part of my open wounds.

" you know it's all right to cry sometimes" she rubbed my back in a soothing way,I slouched in her embrace " it's the pain which makes us human " she shifted her hand to my hair and ruffled it slowly, in a way my mother used to do ,whenever she hugged me. I sniffed on her shoulder trying to relive the pleasant memories of my mother. " it's the pain which makes the life worth living, it's the pain which makes us more alive" she continued while engulfing me in a tight hug.

"I had never visited her since the day I left" I complaint. She broke the contact to look at me ,placing both of her hands on my cheeks she smiled" but you missed her daily ".I nodded in agreement.

xxx

" hello" I answered the phone not even looking at the number flashing on the screen " hey sleepy head! Wake up....school is over for today " Linda cheered me up.

Turning to the other side I slouched deep in covers" w..what time is it ?"
" it's 5:30 PM " she informed while changing her phone from one ear to another, that's what I inferred from the rustling .This is when the sudden realisation hit me. In the morning after acting like a school girl in front of Maria,I promised her to visit my mother at the cemetery.

"Shit" i groaned clenching my head while sitting up to get ready for the visit." I did as you told me " she chimed in my ear." But you missed the scene today" she complaint.

Oh yes ! the fool who tried to mess with me. Who fuck he thinks he is, accusing me of taking his advantage. I carried him all the way ,up to stairs,even changed his shitty clothes,but that arrogant selfish bastered, ignored my kind gesture. Now ....he must have learnt his lesson,I thought.

" sorry...something came up today " I apologised to Linda" but I won't miss the scene tomorrow" I assured her, she hummed in response.

xxx

My heartbeat getting faster with every minute we were reaching near the cemetery. All the painful memories of the past flooded back to me. 'On our way back to school mom tied the seatbelt for me but as soon as she started the car ,it collided with a truck but before the collision I was thrown out of the car,landing on my butt I tried to get my head straight which was spinning like a windmill. Then what I saw was unbearable ---'

" I can go inside with you " George offered " only if you want me... " he shrugged knowing the answer he was about to get.

I slouched more in my seat and squeezed my eyes shut to wrap myself up and inhaled a long breath" it's OK...." I opened my eyes to look at him. He seemed to look unconvinced and frowned slightly " it won't take long.... I will be back soon " I assured him while unlocking seatbelt. He nodded in understanding.

As I strode to the gate,my feet get heavier with each step, even my breathing was getting uneven with each stride. Dragging myself to the stone that states ' in loving memory of Sylvia Beckett,a beloved wife and mother' I stopped in front of the cold stone. I sat on my knees and placed the bunch of fresh Lilly flowers, which I bought on the way, on the grave. I tried to prevent the salty drops falling on the scared tomb.
I remember correctly , a broken piece of mirror was buried deep into her heart when I looked at the car after getting up from the sidewalk. The truck driver was hovering over the steering wheel, eyes popped out and mouth widely opened,as if he died while he was still in shock.

I cried out my heart in front of the grave and promised to visit her often. Wiping the tears out of my cheeks I bid her good bye and walked to the exit.