His Girl

6. Training and Deployment

During the rest of Jay's training Lauren was left confused and hurt for the most part. She emailed him almost every day like she had, but his emails were shorter and much different. He rarely said "I love you," anymore, he never asked how she was even though her emails would tell him, and he never talked about seeing her. His emails were never consistent and sometimes she wouldn't hear from him for months on end. She would constantly ask if things were ok between them, but he would never respond. 

She'd sent him Christmas gifts, but he hadn't sent her anything. He'd forgotten her birthday too. She tried not to let it hurt her, chalking it up to him being in training with little to no free time, but it was their first Christmas and she was a little crushed. She'd sent him something at Valentine's too, but it was a repeat of Christmas. Now, it was the end of February and it was getting close to his training being finished. She tried once more to see if she could see him once he got leave.  

Jay, 
I know your training should be almost finished, and I know things haven't exactly been the same between us since basic. I'm still trying to figure that out. I do want to see you, so bad. Please, whatever has happened we can get through it. I love you so much and nothing can change that. Please just let me know if we can meet up. I miss you so bad. 
I love you,
L

She wasn't exactly surprised when she didn't get a reply. She'd confided in Wes and Kelly when she'd seen him at Christmas. She was lonely and hurt and confused, but neither had an answer for her. Kelly had his suspicions it had something to do with Jay trying to surprise her after basic, but he couldn't be sure. 

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Training for Jay was no less tortuous than it was for Lauren. He read every single one of her emails almost every day that she sent them. He had started distancing himself because he was still hurt over seeing her with someone else. Mouse had tried getting him to talk about it and give her a chance, but Jay shut it down every time. He's focus was being the best Ranger he could be and nothing was going to change that. 

When he got her Christmas and Valentine gifts, he'd felt guilty that he hadn't sent her anything. He tried making it up to her in emails, but he knew it wasn't enough because only half his heart had been in it. He missed her something terrible, but he knew if he heard her admit she'd met someone else, it would hurt more than missing her. 

When he got her email about wanting to see him, he contemplated it for several days before he replied. 

Lauren, 
When I get leave, I have to go home. Mom needs me since Will is off doing who knows what at Med school, and I don't get many days before I ship out for my first deployment. Life of a Ranger ya know. Take care of yourself and maybe we'll get to see each other sometime. 
J

It killed him to hit send because he wanted nothing more than to see her, but he couldn't do it. His heart was still bruised from his last visit to Tennessee. 

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When Lauren read his email, she was crushed. She'd been so hopeful that she would get to see him, but now she knew it wouldn't be happening. She understood that he needed to go home, but it still sucked. 

She threw herself into school not giving it another thought. She was eighteen now, and rarely stayed at home. She just wanted to graduate and get out of there. She knew Kelly wouldn't be able to pay for her to go to college; he already did so much for her with what little he made. She'd convinced herself she was just going to move to Chicago after graduation and be a waitress until she had enough to get a degree. 

A month before gradation, her mother threw a kink in her plan. She agreed to pay for Lauren to go to college and buy her a car, if and only if, Lauren stayed in Tennessee. Lauren knew her heart was really in Chicago with her friends and brother, but she couldn't pass up the chance for college. She knew as a waitress it would take her years to save up before she could even consider going. This would give her a chance to get her degree and then move. 

After talking it over with Kelly, she agreed she couldn't pass it up. She told her mother she would stay and finish her college if they paid for it. Her mother was ecstatic to keep control over her that much longer, and while Lauren's heart wasn't totally in it, she was getting to go to college. 

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After Jay finished his training, he decided he would swing by Tennessee on his way home and see his green eyed beauty. Despite what he'd told her, he knew he really wanted to see her. After landing in Chattanooga, he rented a car and headed north. He started to text her and tell her was coming, but he really just wanted it to be a surprise. 

When he drove by, he was once again crushed to see her with that same guy. Clearly she'd still been leaving a lot out of her emails and wasn't being truthful with him. He decided then and there that he was done replying to her emails. He kept driving until he reached Knoxville, where he boarded a plane and flew home.

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Lauren was thankful Wes's family took her in. After graduation, she practically moved in. Her mother of course thought she was living on campus, but Wes's house was five minutes from school, so she stayed there more than anything. She threw herself into college life and kept herself busy with school work and part time jobs. Her sophomore year of college, Wes's parents moved out leaving him the house. Lauren officially moved in with him, they had separate rooms, and she helped pay the bills with her part time job. She saved what she could, when she could because she made it clear, she was moving to Chicago as soon as she was done with college. 

She and Kelly talked almost every day, skyping whenever they could. She still emailed Jay, but she'd cut it back to once a week, when he'd stopped replying in high school. Kelly and Wes both had tried encouraging her to move on, and Wes went so far as to set her up with guys from his work, but it just wasn't happening. She'd given her heart away and no one could seem to measure up to Jay's standard. 

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It'd been three years since Jay had seen her. His second deployment was horrendous. He'd lost six guys in his unit, six guys he'd been responsible for and had considered friends.  He'd almost lost Mouse too. He wasn't sure what would've happened if he'd lost the one friend he'd had since the beginning. 

He wanted nothing more than to see his girl, hug her close, apologize for the distance and profusely tell her how much he loved her. He knew he wasn't in the best head space, but he knew she would be the one to make it better. When he landed in Tennessee, he headed straight for the address he had. He was once again disappointed to see her with that same guy. This time it looked like a huge family event was going on. He could see her laughing, playing with two little girls, and his heart crushed even more. He knew it was time to head home and forget her. 

When he got home, he'd found out his mama was dying from cancer.  Will was still partying it up at med school, and his dad was no where around. Jay had never gotten along with him anyways, and the relationship had been permanently severed when Jay joined the army. Finding out his dad had bailed when his mom got the diagnosis made him hope to never see the bastard again. He stayed by her side the whole time until she took her last breath. 

At the funeral he got into it with his brother, and Jay wasn't sure what exactly stopped him from beating his brother to a pulp. Even though they were barely speaking, Will was still worried about his baby brother, and suggested Jay get away for a bit. Take a true vacation and decompress for a change.  Jay thought it over and decided his brother was right. He searched for the right place to just get away. It took him a week, but he finally found it and knew it would be perfect.