So I just found out today that my friend was keeping something from me. I was right. He doesn't like me. I am so stupid.
See at this point , I should be so mad at him for playing with my feelings like that but I'm not. I don't think I'll ever get over this one. It's like when you get a permanent tattoo, You can cover it up but you can't make it go away.
I always try to cover my pain up, maybe with jokes, or a smile, or just trying to act like everything's fine. Truth is I'm an emotional wreck. Even he said I was strong, not really... I'm just a good actress I guess.
My friend said she'd never seen me cry. I do , I'm just a silent crier. Like when He hooked up with my other friend... I cried that whole day at school, but no one noticed. Everyone was all "Team Mavis" and no one cared about how I felt. I don't expect them to. There's never been someone I can just talk to that cares about me but my Bff, Carebear (codename) and him. And I guess he never did care did he? He kept something a secret, I guess cause he just felt sorry for me. He told me he had fun at the dance. Lie.
When anyone says his name, or I see a picture, l just fall apart inside.
Haha I'm typing this and 10:50 now , about an hour and ten minutes till I get to start the next day of this trainwreck people call life. People don't know it but I have depression problems...
He is my lock screen, my home screen and his baseball number is my passcode for my phone. Sound obssessed? Not really. I just miss him. Here is the part where they always say 'I think about him a million times each day.' but I dont. Nope. Ever since I met him I've only thought of him once. He never really left my mind.
Anyways.... Nuff bout me , I just write this so I can remember, not becuase I expect anyone to care.
Bye
