Loose Ends

Don't Speak

I can feel the dread creeping down my spine, festering within every part of my mind. I haven't heard the truth from the source yet but, I don't have to. I'm not ready to feel the pain. I've already lost sleep for weeks, and I'm slowly losing my mind.

I can't lose her now. My heart aches to find a way to change her mind, but I'm aware it's much too late for that. I've left her in ruins time and time again, not taking a moment to think of the consequences of my actions, and I wish I could prove I'm sorry, but...

"Julie, we need to talk," she begins. Her voice is so soft, like an angel whispering to me. "I--"

"Stop. I know. You don't have to say it."

Lucy doesn't love me anymore, she's leaving, she's finally found true happiness... if there's someone else, she's treating her better than I ever did.

"Luce, I'm sorry I wasted so much of your time," I cry, "I wanted to give you everything, but I was too much. I wanted to be what you wanted and needed so badly but I lost sight of who I am and who I became. I treated you like shit, I make you hate yourself... but you shouldn't. It's me who should hate myself. And until I realized what I've done, I didn't. There's no excuse for anything I've done and I don't want to keep you if you can't bare to stay, but I need you to know that from the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry for hurting you like I did. Leave me and be everything you've always wanted to be, live your best life to spite me. Live your dreams happily and make me regret ever holding you back."

She hesitates before responding, tears welling in her eyes as well, now. "Oh Julie, please, no... That's not it at all. I... I love you dearly, despite the hard times we've had." I tilt my head in confusion, but allow Lucy to continue speaking. She has always hated how I would rather talk than listen to her talk. "I want things to be okay just as much as you do but, I regret to say that yes, I did go astray. It was a moment of weakness but I love only you, and she will never mean as much to me as you do. I'm so sorry for being so distant lately, but I needed time to think. Now that I've thought about it I know that I need you in my life. I'm willing to work through things with you, just like you are willing to work through them with me."

Before I have the chance to respond, she embraces me tightly, her soft skin bringing me warmth and comfort like I haven't felt in a long, long time. "I love you, unconditionally." she whispers.

"I love you too..." I hold her close, for fear that I'm only dreaming - fear that I will lose her washing over me all over again.