From Model to Mother

When I was 15 years old in Paris France some one got into my hotel room

 When my mom when down stairs, in the lobby of the hotel, with my 1 and half year old sister. I was left in the room to unpack and relax. A man in a mask appeared with a knife. I was thrown down and raped. When my mom got back, he was gone and she did not know why i wasnt speaking. I was so traumatized that I couldn’t get it out. When I finally did she asked “What did he look like?”I thought for a minute…I really didn’t know. i was so tramatized that didnt even cross my mind.

“Take a pregnancy test.” And she handed me one.

“Mom! i don’t even have a boyfriend…..”

“Paris?”

“Oh. Trying to forget”

 I think those were the longest 5 minutes of my life. What would i do if it was positive? i couldnt handle a child. It was what i was scared… 2 lines. My first instinct was crying. Thats what i did. Then I told my mom. She said something that I’ll rather not repeat. I don’t know what exactly I was thinking but I thought “Get rid of it!” Now I’m TOLLAY against abortion but that’s what I thought. My mom and I could stand to be in France anymore. So I finished the part of the computation I was in and left. When we got back I had to pack up my house because I was moving really soon.

 I went back to school on Monday morning, which happened to be April1st. So when pulled my best friend aside to tell her she was like “April Fools!!!” And I was like “Sara, no,” Her mouth dropped STRAIGHT to the floor. She almost started crying. She gave me a huge hug and said “What are you going to do? You can’t keep it….” I couldn’t answer, I just stood there, truth is, I really didn’t know. When I told her what I first thought, she just looked at me, and said “Really Brianna? That’s NOTHING like you! You cant even eat a steak, let alone kill a baby” she was right. I am a vegetarian . I just said “What can I do........”