Toxic Love

nine

Benj remands relatively quiet the rest of the time. He will occasionally ask questions about school. And he stayed for dinner which my mom adored. They talked the entire time with me on the side third wheeling.

Him and I cleaned the table and started washing the dishes while my mom went to bed because she's off tomorrow.

I'm washing the dishes and he'd dry. He didn't say thing anything for awhile. He'll no this isn't how our time together is gonna he spent, it awkward silence.

"What's wrong? You've been quiet since we first got into my room." I ask quite annoyed.

"Nothing." Benj answers in a low voice almost unbearable.

"Nothing is wrong? Funny. I thought after the years of friendship we've had that you'd feel comfortable telling me stuff." I place down the plate I was in the middle of washing to look at him.

He's still drying his cup when I turn to look at him but I can see that he was looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I take the cup from his hand and place it down. Signaling that he should look at me so we can talk but he continues looking forward. Out of all days to be a pain it has to be today.

I take his chin between my fingers and twist it towards me. His eyes increase in size. Why is he freaking out?

"Talk to me." Desperation hidden in my voice when I say that.

"I can't I don't want to ruin anything."

"How would you ruin anything? I'll love you like family no matter what you do. I'm still here with you even after you've cheated on Mae twice. Doesn't that say something about our friendship."

"Fuck it. That's it I don't love you like that." He takes a step closer til there's only a foot in between us.

I'm shocked. He doesn't care about our friendship or anything.

"How could you say that? We've been alongside each other for thirteen years and you don't even care about our friendship."

"No that's not what I'm saying. Fuck I messed this up."

"Then what do you mean huh?" Asked furiously.

"I don't love you like family because I love you as more than that. I've loved you since you were twelve. So yes I value this friendship. I value this friendship more than anything because this is how I've been able to get to know you in the best ways possible." He takes my face in his hands. I don't know what to say so I just stand there speechless.

"I got to know that scratch at your eye when you're lying. You prefer watching movies and staying inside instead of going out. That you love cuddling with a blanket but you have to have one leg at all times so you don't get too hot. The time we've shared over the course of our friendship has made me love you more and more." He hold my face still. I remand speechless. What do I say to this?

"It broke me when you told me that you had your first kiss with Xavier in seventh grade. Or any time you would tell me how much you liked a boy. Oh how many times I've prayed that you'd think about me like that. I'd dream about us being closer, kissing and being in love together." He starts leaning into me. His nose hits mine ready to kiss me.

"Mae? What about Mae?" I ask lightly.

He doesn't pull back at all he just ask "What about her?"

I pull his hands off my cheeks and walk over to the living room, putting space between. Specially after that conversation.

"If you loved me all this time like you claimed then why start dating Mae? Or sleeping with hundreds of girls before then?"

"It was an attempt to get my head off you."

"Oh yeah so that entire time you'd sleep with girls then come and hang out with me. Don't you think that's counterproductive?" I'm so annoyed. He was smart enough not to say anything back.

"You've been leading Mae on this entire time! You've dragged her along with your bullshit and then cheated on her twice!" I start yelling at him trying to express how angry I am with. He lead and cheated on my best friend.

He lower his head, too coward to look at him while I yell at him for his shitty actions.

"Please get out. I have to think about everything you've said tonight." His head snaps up instantly when I say this.

"A, please don't push me away." Ben starts pleading to me.

"Let me think Ben." He winces when I say Ben instead of the typical Benj.

"Okay." He rushes to the front door and is about to turn the knob to leave when Will barges in.

"Hey what's up guys?" Will immediately looks at me, seeing the scowl on my face and glances at the hunched over figure that is Ben. Will stops talking and steps forward allowing Ben to leave.

Will comes up to me and asks "Whats wrong? Don't say nothing. I can tell by the way loved boy rushed out of here and the scowl on your face something happened between you two. Got in a fight? Oh wait did he actually tell you his feelings." My eyes grow three times the sizes when he says that.

"You've known about his feelings for me?" I ask astonished he found out before I did.

"I've know for years now. I'm not blind like you. Everyone with eyes could see his feelings for you." Will casually says as if it's no big deal. But Ben's revelation has rattled my cage and I'm going over all our memories from the years of friendship.

I just need to clear my mind, "Can I get the keys to your truck?" He asks why and I tell him I have to clear my head.

He pulls his lanyard that holds all his keys and hands them to me.

I jog out the front door and down the stairs. I look across the street to the Conway/Vargas household. Mason's truck isn't in the driveway he must have not returned home after the huge blowout from before.

I hop in Will's truck starting the ignition. I back out of the driveway and take off. Not paying attention I just drive.

Five minutes later I end up in front of Mae's house. Of course after everything happened my self conscious takes me here. The only other person I talk to.

Neither of her parents cars are in the driveway. Hopefully Mae is home. I pull up alongside the curb and hop out of Will's truck heading up the walkway to her front door. I knock, no response.

She has told me in the past that she sometimes doesn't even realize when people are at the door because she has headphones on and is blasting music. Luckily she has told me where she hides her spare key. That she stated that I can use at any time and now is that time.

I pull the key out from under the door mat and open the locked door. Making my way upstairs and throw open her door.

There in front of me is Mae laying on her bed. Not alone.

On top of her is Mason Conway, naked.

Him plowing into her while her metal bed squeaky, her moaning and him grunting. Both of their eyes shut. Neither of them realizing it standing there watching their intimate action. Them being so wrapped up in each other and their situation.

The conversation from earlier in the cafeteria flows into me head. How broken up Mae was about the possibility of Ben cheating on her again but yet her she is under Mason Conway of all people.

I let a shocked gasp and both of their eyes shoot up and their heads turn to look at me standing in the doorway.

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