Who Killed Markiplier - Transcript

Chapter Three

(The scene opens with the woman slamming the front doors shut behind her as she enters the foyer.)

SEER: (Yells) What are you doing?!

DETECTIVE: (Harshly) Who the hell are you?

COLONEL: (In disbelief) Celine? What are you doing here?

DETECTIVE: "Celine"? How the hell do you know her??

(The COLONEL points his gun at the DETECTIVE again as the BUTLER speaks up)

BUTLER: Madame, I'm afraid you've come at a very inopportune time.

(The COLONEL points his gun at the BUTLER now.)

Something dreadful has happened here.

(You look back at the SEER as the COLONEL points his gun back at the DETECTIVE, who has now lowered his gun.)

SEER: I can see that, and I'm glad I got here before it got any worse.

CHEF: (Holds his index finger up) This is only the tip of the iceberg! (Lowers his hand) And it's a big iceberg. (Pauses) How can I put this delicately?... MARK'S FUCKING DEAD!!!

SEER: (In shock) What?

CHEF: (Looks down at the floor)(Sadly) Dead, like my hopes and dreams.. (Looks back up at the SEER) And he's a flesh-eating zombie, too!

SEER: (Worryingly) Homo necrosis.

COLONEL: Exactly, hence the guns. (Waves his gun around)

DETECTIVE: (Annoyed) That is not "hence the guns"! (Waves his gun around mockingly)

BUTLER: (Exclaims) Stop waving those bloody guns around!

(The DETECTIVE and COLONEL wave their guns around, and the CHEF waves his soup ladle around in front of the BUTLER.)

SEER: Hol-hold on! Tell me what happened! How did Mark.. die?

MAYOR: (Off) It was murder.

(The thunder and lightning picked up again as you look over at the MAYOR. He slowly makes his way to the group.)

And worse yet.. (pauses) the body is missing.

SEER: What? Show me. And don't say that word.

CHEF: What word? Murder? (Thunderclap)

SEER: Yes! That word!

BUTLER: Well, I mean murder (thunderclap) is a rather accurate description of what occur-

SEER: (Moves to the BUTLER and hits him on the shoulder) Do you not see the lightning?!

DETECTIVE: You sayin' it was lightning that murdered (thunderclap) Mark?

COLONEL: Well, mother nature doesn't exactly strike me as having murderous (thunderclap) intent. Unless you count that time I was sucked into the board game: Jumanji and I-