A Wonderful Flag-Less World - Spideypool Fanfic

"There's no one who can live through my technique!"

“There’s no one who can live through my technique!”

When Peter woke up, he was alone. He rolled over onto his stomach and checked the clock. His brain didn’t process much, except that it was past midnight and before reasonable waking hours. He groaned. “Wade?” he called softly. There was no response. It was their first night living together and Wade was gone. He didn’t want to think about what that meant. He had enough stuff for a couples counsellor already. He shot a look toward their new bathroom. The lights were turned off, and there was no sound coming from there. He groaned again.

“Wade!” he called, louder this time.

“Petey!” came the delighted response from somewhere else in the apartment.

Peter groaned once more and pulled himself to his feet, not bothering to fix himself in any way other than to pull up his pants. He had gone to bed half-naked and was hoping to return to it the same way, boyfriend in tow.

~

“What are you doing?” Peter asked, walking barefoot into their new kitchen.

Wade gave him a grin. “Food!” he declared happily. He gestured around the kitchen. “Pancakes there, noodles there, roast chicken there, potato chips, fish fingers, seafood sticks, oysters,” he rattled off a few more types of food until Peter held up his hand.

“Why?” he asked, trying to shake away the sleep induced confusion.

Deadpool tossed the apple that he was carving (seriously?) onto the bench. “Well,” Deadpool began in his teasing way, “I wanted to make you breakfast in bed.” He turned around, facing the mess of food. “But I wasn’t sure what you’d want. I started with typical food,” he babbled, “pancakes and stuff, then I thought, but maybe he’d prefer seafood so I did that,” he waved to the seafood section, “But then I remembered how fit you are, and maybe you’d like something healthy.” His shoulders slumped. “I’m a horrible boyfriend.”

Peter stifled a laugh and walked over to him, wrapping his arms around his waist. “Why are you making me breakfast in bed?”

“Because it’s our first night together,” Wade said, moving so that they could kiss.

“So you decided to raid our fridge?” Peter asked skeptically.

Wade shook his head. “There’s a 24-hour shop down the road.” He shifted nervously.

“Right.” Peter said.

“Aren’t I charming?” Wade said. “I’m the most perfect boyfriend ever right?” He gave Peter a hopeful look.

Peter knew that technically, yes, he should compliment Wade on his (almost frightening) dedication to the boyfriend routine. But he sorta wanted to play it out.

He slipped away from Wade and began sampling the food, taking a bite from the fruit platter and a spoonful of soup.

They were all, surprisingly, good. Wade had put a lot of effort into this, he thought, pleased. As he looked for a way to stall, a thought occurred to him.

“Were you planning on waking me so that I could eat this?”

Wade blinked. “Uh..”

“Cos it would’ve gotten cold.” Peter commented, not looking at him.

Wade slumped. “Right.”

Peter shot him a grin. “It’s good.” And it was. It tasted fantastic. Which made him worry that Wade had kidnapped a chef or a cook or something and was making him cook for them.

Wade perked up. “I took lessons.”

Peter froze. “Uh.. You took…cooking lessons?”

Wade nodded.

“For me? For… this?” he waved his hands.

Wade nodded again.

Peter blinked. “Did they…survive it? The teacher?”

He winced trying to imagine Deadpool doing anything like that. Oh god, the explosions and the jokes and Wade telling everyone he was sleeping with Spiderman while the place went up into flames.

Wade nodded again. “It was touch and go for a while,” he added.

Peter leant back against the counter and grabbed a fish finger, eating it as he contemplated the situation. Wade stood in the middle of the room nervously.

“What gave you the idea?” Peter finally asked, swallowing the food and moving across the room to have a pancake.

“Um.” Wade’s face scrunched up as he tried to remember. “Movies? I guess. Maybe a magazine or two.”  He shrugged. “Isn’t this what everyone does?” he blinked, suddenly panicked. “This is what people do right? It’s not just in fiction?!”

“Hmm.” Peter said, not really replying, instead moving once again to try another piece of fruit.

Wade was still standing there awkwardly, waiting. Peter bit back a grin, but he could hear Aunt May chiding him for teasing the ‘poor boy’.

He finished off the piece of orange and wiped his hands on his pants before closing the distance between the two of them and pulling him into a sloppy food-tasting kiss.

After they parted for air, Wade laughed, resting his head against Peter’s. “You really like it?”

Peter nodded. “I mean, you’ve destroyed the kitchen and put way too much effort into this. But it’s nice. Perfect even.”

Wade chuckled and pulled him closer. “Good.” Then his tone took on a lecherous tone. “That’s code for ‘my boyfriend has outdone himself in such a way that the only way to make up for it is perfect sex’ right?”

Peter pulled away and made a face as if he was seriously considering it. “I would…”

Wade’s face lit up.

“But we need to eat this stuff.” Peter continued. “and put away the stuff that can’t be eaten now.” He shook his head. “God knows if we have enough space for it all.”

Wade pulled a face. “And then?”

“We’ll see.” Peter promised with a smile. Then he walked over to a bench and picked up a bowl. “Noodles?” he offered.

Wade smiled back and took the bowl. “Don’t mind if I do.” He twirled the spoon around and waved it in Peter’s face. “Open up.”

Peter grinned and bit at the spoon.

Wade made a pained noise.

“You know I’m going to make you cook a lot more now,” Peter commented.

“Better make it worth my while then,” Wade replied with a grin.

There seriously wasn’t anyone who could…