That Gay Shit

BAKERY

          Mia LOVES baking. I decided to surprise her with a trip to her favorite bakery, which is where she gets lots of pans and ingredients. We walk around, and I let her pick out something, and I go to find cookies. This dude, big and burly, walks up to Mia. She's really pretty, in a petite kind of way, and definitely hard to miss, seeing as her hair is naturally bright red. I haven't noticed yet, and I'm ordering some brownies and cannolis, when I hear him. "Hey sexy. What are you doing all alone over here?" Mia is looking at me with her big eyes, and I'm paying for the stuff. "Why don't I show you a good time, huh? You've got plenty of curves..." At this point, he's started to grab her ass, and I'm about to lose my shit on this motherfucker. Mia stares him down real hard, and goes all quiet like: "Remove your hand, or my girlfriend will do it for you." Cue me walking over, with my impressively toned body, and 6'1 height, cracking my knuckles with a fierce glare. I've been told I look like a punk biker, and thank God, because I think my leather jacket and tattoos started to scare this douche. "Back the fuck off my girlfriend." I snap, fists clenched. The douchebag jumps, backing up real slow. "Disgusting dykes! You cockteasers!" He spits, about to punch me. This is when my years of martial arts training kick in, and I stop his punch instantly, and squeeze hard. This is an easy way to break someone's hand, and I can tell he feels the pain, even though I'm not using enough force yet. "I said back off, asshole." Now, I twist his arm and throw him down, before escorting Mia away. The workers applaud, and have the cops come get the guy, and he's banned from the store, and Mia gets a free dessert. Moral of the story: NO ONE TOUCHES MY GIRLFRIEND. NO ONE.