Love or Death

Chapter 1~ Mask the Emotion~

December 17, 2009

The day I found out I'm dying;

I could feel the palms of my hands sweating as I waited anxiously for the doctor to come in with my test results. Its as if the whole world was spinning so fast, yet it was going in slow motion. I wish my parents could be here. Holding my hand and telling me that it will all be fine. That my sickness was nothing to worry about and it was just a cold. I could feel the warm, salty fresh tears threatening to fall.

I blinked them away as fast as I could when I heard the sound of footsteps walking in the hall towards the room I was waiting for the doctor in. When I finally saw the door nob start to twist open I suddenly felt my heart beating harder. It felt as if it were to beat right out of my chest.

Dr. Coul appeared in the doorway, staring right at me with her moon-like grey eyes.

" Good afternoon miss Kingstone" She said flashing me a reassuring smile.

" Hi" was my brilliant reply.

She came in and sat down in the chair across from me. I just noticed that she had a beige folder with big black lettering which spelled out "LUX KINGSTONE", Well I guess whats printed out on the piece of paper placed inside there is whats going to determine my future. Whether I'm okay, or not.

There was a few minutes of awkward silence before I couldn't take the wait and I broke it. "Well, am I going to be okay or not?" I asked frantically. I just wanted to know. "Lux, you have a rare heart disease called Familial Dilated Cardiomyopathy. Dilated Cardiomyopathy is a condition in which the heart's left ventricle becomes enlarged and weak, reducing the heart's ability to pump blood. There has been know scientifical cure for this disease yet but don't worry, we are still trying" She said, grabbing my hand which was fidgeting with my other one in my lap.

I cant, know I don't have this. It didn't fully sink in to my brain until she said, "You have approximately three and a half years to live. I'm sorry hun," and squeezed my hand for reassurance. Seems like she's been doing that alot today, eh?

Feeling that watery fresh sensation of tears glaze over my eyes I got up and ran. To where you may ask? I have know clue. I just kept on running. I didn't stop when I heard doctors and nurses calling my name and I didn't stop for the cars.

After a while I recognized the all too familiar surroundings known as the graveyard my parents are berried in. I ran to their side by side graves, dropping to my knees and letting out sob after sob in my hands. If someone walked by right now I would most defiantly look like a homeless person. Attractive.

Present day;

I ran across the street when the taxi took a quick and sudden stop, also honking at me. Most likely because I walked in front of them. But that's the only way you'll ever cross the road in downtown New York.

Its been almost three years since I got told the devastating news and I am now 18, living with my roommate, Farrah in an apartment in the heart of it all, New York City. After I went to the grave the day I got told about my disease I decided to make a bucket list of 100 things I have to do before I die.

So far I have completed 46 of them and this was one of them, moving from a small town in Ontario, Canada to The Big Apple. Its been a dream come true. With all the money my parents left behind I am truly confident I will complete all 100 things before my time is up.

Once on the right side of the road i walked over to my favorite cafe. It was small and never busy and it also sold the best strawberry banana smoothie I have ever tasted. I went up to the counter to be greeted by the owner's daughter, and also one of my best friends, Tori.

"Here yeah go, darling. How yeah feeling?" She asked as she handed me my usual, SBS.

"Ummm, its hard. Its always hard this time of year, yeah' no? But I'm glad I'm going back tonight. I get to see all my old friends and my parents grave for their anniversary." I answered before taking a long sip of my smoothie.

It truly is hard. Around the date that my parents were killed it's always horrible for me. I get all depressed and upset. But I'm going to make sure this year is different. Its the last time I'm going to be here for their anniversary so I'm not going to get all down. I know I'm going to be with them soon.

After I had my daily smoothie and chat with Tori I headed home to start packing the rest of my stuff for Sarnia. It was now three and I had to go to the airport at five so I had a little bit of time. Farrah should be home any minute.

At that thought I heard jiggling keys in the door, then the sound of it opening and slamming closing.

" Lux, you home?" Farrah questioned, most likely taking of her shoes.

"In my room" I yelled back, taking a seat on my bed. She walked in to my bedroom, her long brown wavy hair thrown up in a messy bun. She was still in her work uniform, black pants and a white shirt for her waitress job she got a few months back.

" How you feeling? Excited to be going back?" Farrah asked me, coming to sit beside me on my queen size bed. I shrugged looking down at the ground with my ocean blue eyes, trying to mask all my emotions.

I know I didn't have to pretend in front of Farrah. She was truly my best friend. Its just, I don't like when people see me cry. If I cry about dying or about my parents death It makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Which is not a feeling I enjoy.

"Lux, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" She said, grabbing hold of my hand and squeezing it. As if she was telling me she will always be there for me. I nodded, still looking down at the ground. I was scared that if I do look at her I would break down and cry. Cry for everything that happened to me and everything that will happen to me. The worst thing is I sit around feeling bad for myself, when I know there are people suffering more then I am.

I finally looked up at her, knowing sooner or later I would have to. But right when I did I felt warm tears falling out of my eyes. She pulled me close to her in a friendly hug.

"Honey, your so strong. But even strong people break down sometimes."

And that's how we stayed until I had to leave for the airport. I'm just glad I have a shoulder to cry on when I need to.

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Well I hope you like it! I worked hard on it so I would love some feedback.