Breathe

'This is Naylor's triad of bleeding, all blood comes from vessels, all bleeding comes from cut vessels, all bleeding eventually stops'
With that the bleeding ceased and the machines stabilised. She was aware that people were talking around her, but now it was all an echo she couldn't breathe.
She ran from theatre, not looking back. Everything was a blur, a distortion of reality. She had lost control.

She reached the desk within minutes and just clutched at it, desperately trying to keep hold of something real.
'Jac?'
No not him, not now. She couldn't have him see her weak and alone.
'Leave me alone'
'Have a drink of water'
'Leave me alone' her voice cracked, she began to unravel.
'Look you're stressed, you've been through a lot'
How could he ever begin to imagine her life
'Come one, breathe'
'What would you know about it, you can't understand' she cried, the heartbreak evident in her voice
'You're not a surgeon, you don't know what it's like'
'This isn't about surgery'
'Everything is about surgery.. if I don't have surgery I don't have anything' she sobbed, her walls rapidly dismantling around her
'You have Emma..' he began, she began pacing, around her heart beating out of her chest, she couldn't breathe.
He listened to her raspy breaths trying to calm her down, she was shaking and crying. Her breathing was too fast. Too panicked. All he could do was hold her hand.
She collapsed on to him, her legs just gave way, he held her whilst listening to her heart breaking. She was completely dismantled desperately trying to cling on to him, as if he was the only source of reality left.
He guided her to the sofa and she lay over him, her body still shaking with her sobs. He knew that soon it would be over and she would re build the walls around her that had dismantled and would pick herself up and go back to being cold and passive.
He made a silent promise whilst he held her, feeling her body shake,

that he would always be there to catch her when she fell.