Help...

Part 3

I knew he was drunk that night, but it played in my head on replay. My father was right, I am just a weak little girl. I'm pathetic, and I didn't know how to change that.  

 Ever since the incident, I began to close myself off from the world. No longer was I the outgoing and loud little girl. Now I was known as, the outcast who lost her mother. By now it was obvious I had made a mistake when I decided not to tell anybody about my father. It showed me a side of my father I never wanted to see. When he was sober, he would lock himself in the bathroom for hours on end. I would hear strangled sobs coming from the behind the door, as well as muffled cries of pain. When he was drunk, I would be the one crying out in pain.

Some of my teachers started to notice the bruises on my arms and stomach, but they never commented on it. Soon, the light in my eyes began to dull like my fathers. He knew what he was doing, it drove him to the edge of insanity, sadly it's also what threw him over. It was as if he had no control over his limbs and mouth. He was drowning in sorrow before I knew it. 

I knew that everything that had happened had to have happened for a reason, but I couldn't figure out what would make him want to hurt me. As I got older, questions get repeated, and doubt was well implanted into my heart. He tried to make it better, but in the end, he only made it worse. The harder he tried to stop drinking, the moodier he got. The mood swings got worse, and finally, he gave into temptation, but this time with the added bonus of drugs. At this point, I didn't know how to feel, or I was even allowed to feel.

Ethan was now 3, and the mood swings affected him more than anybody else in the house. He was terrified of our father, and I couldn't blame him. If I'm honest with myself, so am I. Happy was a foreign word to me, a distant whisper of the past. The thoughts that once brought me joy now bring sorrow, and fear. I know I have no right to complain. There are so many people who have it worse than me and wear a smile through it all. So why do I feel like this? I asked myself that question so many times. So far I've come up blank. There was no closure for me, there were no answers, and the last shred of false hope had shattered before me. What did I do deserve this? 

Tears sprung from the memories, but I couldn't let my sadness cloud my judgment again. I grew up faster than a 12-year-old should have to. I took all of the beatings to protect him. Ethan was the only thing that brought any sort of light into my life. He could always bring a smile to my face, but now all he brings is tears. That monster I lived with, caused all of this, but I'm still to blame. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't good enough to protect the only person that I cared about. And now he's gone. 

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I'm sorry about the short chapter people. I'm going to double update today, and I thought the chapter would be best left on a cliffhanger. P.S. you'll find out the main characters name very soon!