blackout // j-dog

2.

jorel was walking down the corridors of the library halls, he loved going to the library because he could see all of the works that people have written out of fact, imagination and creativity -some liked to write out of boredom or feeling, but it always facinated jorel, although he could never understand why it did- it always made him think that maybe one day he could write something beautiful enough to be put onto a shelf for students to read; feel inspiration of some sort so maybe they could do something themselves.

he would go there when he didn't wanna be around people in his dorm, mostly; when he didn't wanna be one of those older guys at those rowdy frat parties who would stand around and drink with men who were still in their late teens or early twenties -especially when he needed to get away from any form or set of reminders that consisted of his childhood or family- he always found it relaxing to just sit there and pull out a book to read it start to finish.

most people would assume that a well-kept, masculine man in his close-to-mid twenties who worked at a construction site would hate reading books or would even come close to finding a library soothing, more so calming; but jorel was quite the contrary, he had issues of his own and he had no way of controlling or ever recollecting the events that held him back from most daily activities that other homosapiens could do within a heartbeat so if you were to be real with everything in reality -he was different; no if's, and's, or but's about it- that was just his life.

he smiled as he looked at his favorite genre of story, folklore and mythology -you'd think those subjects suit somebody mentally unstable like him perfectly since he's the walking mythical legend in the history of medical background and study- but he didn't feel like reading that specific topic at the moment, he more so wanted to read about his condition online; they didn't have books based on his condition since yet again, it was rare to be seen in someone so young yet so, broken and well kept emotionally intact.

he frowned at the thought of why he was born just to be classified different through the eyes of doctors, why he was born with something so dangerous and fatal to any human known to man, why he was the one that could kill somebody and not feel any remorse, pain, or have any memory of such; it killed him deeply but he didn't wanna get too upset or else he'd break his streak of stability, more so what he liked to call 'his clear-in' state, which he's worked so hard on the past four months.

he hasn't attacked anyone since he got drunk four months ago at a bar in houston, he couldn't remember what happened that night but the one thing that he could recollect from that night were the late night drinks -followed by the late night feelings and that soon being carried into another blackout- it was much too hard for him to grasp that day until he woke up with an excruciating headache in a rusty, smelly jail cell with some skinny tattooed guy sucking on his thumb in the corner of the bed that barley stood above the grey, bloody ground beneath them.

he asked why he was there before the man told him step by step what occurred only a few short hours before they were thrown into a cell together to 'resolve their issues' ; jorel couldn't believe that he could inflict so much pain and damage onto somebody that he didn't even know, especially not remembering it or feeling anything when he was punching and slicing the mans skin open with a bud-light bottle that he smashed only a few moments after he threw the man onto the ground.  he was broken and shocked at what he did that night but what really hit him was the fact that he caused so much pain and agony -bloodshed and hospitalization, fear and anger; especially the fact that he was indeed the most dangerous person to every man, woman, and child on the earth. hell he's dangerous to animals too, and that's worse than himself- and that's what made him realize that he needed to learn more than what he already knew about how diagnosis and try to take control of it before it got any worse; before it lead to suicide or even worse, homicide.