My Psycho Ex.Girlfriend

Francesca, that's my name.

It's 7:30 am, my alarm has just woke me up from a beautiful deep sleep. Great. Why is college so important and more important than the fake realty I call my dreams?

I sluggishly walk down the wooden stairs, which have been meaning to get re-established for nothing less than 2 years. I trace my hand along the cold, old cream, wall which hang photos of Winnie-the-Pooh and German shepherds. Trying not to trip over every odd shoe in the hall way, I walk into the kitchen to put on the kettle and make myself a warm cup of tea before I have to head to college. I patently wait for the kettle to boil and I check my phone. Like normal I have 15 snapchat messages, which of course will be just the letter 'S'. So predictable. I also have a text from my good friend Sophia; the message read "Fran" (My name is Francesca but family and friends call me Fran) "we start at 9:30 don't be late, we have gossip" This can only mean one thing. A boy.

I pore my cup of tea and take it into the family room and place my cup onto the window sill after I moved away all the birthday cards which I received for my 17th birthday 2 weeks ago and I placed them down on the television stand. I sit onto the faux leather 3 seater sofa. Shivering, I cover up my bitterly cold legs with the softest blanket we own in our home.

Francesca, that's my name. Francesca-Leigh Bailey. I live with my whole family, under one roof. Me, my two little sisters: Autumn Faye, who is the middle child out of us three, she is 14 and my youngest sister, Leonie May who is 8. We do live with both parents, which is so amazing in this day and age, my father whose name is Derrick and my mother whose name is Catherine, us children call them mam and dad and always have done. We do have wonderful animals in the home who will also always be treated like my parents children. We have a German Short-haired Pointer, his name is Logan-Berry Fin. We also have a rabbit (I am unsure of the breed but she lives in the family home just like a child, she even has her own room) her name is Carrot. 

When I left school, I left with 5 grades, which meant it was easy for me to get in and lucky enough I knew people who also got in; my three amazing best friends: Mia, Amelia and Sophia. I have known Mia the longest out of the three, as we have been so close since primary school. Even though this is the case, I seem to be closer with Sophia and me and Amelia only became best friends through Sophia. In my friendship group ever since the year 2013, which was the year I finally came out as bisexual, but I have been known as the 'lesbian' friend this really hurts my feelings and knocks my confidence, as they always look at me with a raised eyebrow no matter what I say; I may just say "Wow. I love that top, is it new?" and I would receive a funny look from whoever is around. They shun me for not ever having a real lesbian relationship. I have always dated girls via the internet so they have never been serious. This is due to me living in Bath, there is no girls like me here. All this has caused people to bully me; which all lead to me having counselling sessions and medication. I harmed myself, thinking how I felt for girls was wrong. Was it? Is it? I still don't know. I'm just here to love who I love.

 Nevertheless, that was now 4 long years ago. Since then, so much has changed. I shaved off 18-inches of my long golden brown hair. Crazy is exactly the word to describe it but did this for myself and of course a special charity which had always been close to my heart. Everyone I knew at that point in my life had sat and told me that I suit it and it's different but they liked it especially as it made my galaxy deep blue eyes 'POP'. My hair is almost at 'bob' length now, as it was just under 8 months ago which is insane to think about now. Shaving off so much hair made my mind go so messed up. That's another story.

As I brush my short hair and stare deeply into my own eyes, I see the pain. All of it. Hurt and in shock. Remembering all the pain I was put through, I wipe away the tear that slowly falls down my face. My hands becoming all clammy due to my past and the anxiety of facing other people affecting my day to day life. It is hard. A struggle. I throw my hairbrush and it cracks the wall on the opposite side of the room. Picking up a blade, I fall to the floor.