Shattered glass~fillie

•Stay or go?•

Millie's p.o.v~

As I lay, in what I assume is a hospital bed, I make a list in my head of all the reasons of why I should stay or go.  I thought it would be a good idea at the time, but it made me realise all the right and wrong things about the living hell that is my dad life. I have never had my first kiss, first proper Boyfriend not lost my virginity. I don't really want to to be honest, my dad calls me a slut thought anyway so he wouldn't care. But I wouldn't do that to Ava, we have to stick together as a family. So, to start my list, I start with Stay~

   Millie browns reasons to stay

1.
Finn, he means the world to me, never in my life have I loved someone as much as I love Finn fucking Wolfhard. I am a blue storm and he's the rainbow that comes after a storm. He loves me as much as I Iove him, that's all I could ask for. I wanted someone to, not help me, But save me, and he did it all. No matter how reckless or how safe, he's was part of it all. I love him.

2.
Acting, one of my many passions, that I stoped after Mum passed. Dad never drove me to auditions or to see a play. I hate him for that. He ruined my chances and crushed my dreams. He toke my mother away from me, but me and Mum used to go see the shows and plays together, but we can't now. Dads a monster who only cares for himself. I never thought of it but if I stay, I might just have a chance at my only dream I have left of me and my mother's.

3.
Friends, god how I love them. Their my safe haven. My escape from my world that is abusive and depressing. My light in this everlasting darkness of my own. My rock, my life source and my Family.

4.
Future, I close my eyes and I can see, a world that's waiting up form me.  That I call my own. Through the dark, through the door. Through we're no ones been before, but it feels like home. I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see, I have so much going on for me, not a reason to throw it away. I may be worthless but I may have a chance too.

5.
Music, be hind every song is an untold story, just like my life. I may never experience it again. I hate the thought, but love it to. I want to die listening to my favourite song and have my closest friends beside me. Not my abusive father that is sadly in my family. I bet he dose not even know I am in hospital. I am a worthless slut apparently, to him anyway. He thinks I sleep with every guy in my school, but truth is I am a virgin. I know that he won't believe me but I have no time for boys. Yes I have a Tesla, but that's because he gives me pocket money when he's drunk and can't remember in the morning. Now he's ran off with some whore, I was stuck with my headphones when he brought women home, I can't stand to hear it. My music was my saviour, I thank who ever invented music for you kind blessing, you saved me.

I decided to make a list of reason of why I should go, to ease the guilt if u decide to stay or Go~

1.
My dad, that horrid man that is sadly my father. When I was younger I loved him. But the Mum died and he went into lockdown. He wouldn't come home at nights, hug nor kiss me, or show any love. My little sister, Ava, I let her steel my TV and she would watch her shows on it, locked up with headphones on to block out the noice. She soon got taken into care, but we still write and FaceTime each other. I stay, I go back to that Home with Him, or I can go and be finally happy.

2.
Jacob, the fuckboy of our school, what he did at that party, he assaulted me. If my dad knew, he would either not give 2 shits or go kill Jacob. I know that he has a
Crush on me, but he can't touch me like that. He is the definition of Dick head.

3.
Bruises, all over my body, I have a collection of them. I look at life through shattered glass, and no one not pill can fix the damage done to me. I am in fixable. Finn promised me a life, I want one. But o also don't want one. I am broken, bruised and scarred. But that doesn't stop me from fighting. But then again, if I go, I won't come back. If I stay, I'll go back to thats hell hole, but I might have a chance at life, but the question is, do I want another chance? Do I deserve another chance at life. Or do I drive myself to the dirt like I always do, but sometimes I find the power to climb back out again. I don't know where my power comes from. But it's there. I love everyone (most of them) in my life, I want to see Sadie and Finn and iris and Maddie and the boys again. But my life is always going to be a living hell, and mabey that's ok. I choose, from now on, who and where I stand with. Finn has been there for me through thick and thin.
But
My bruises still paint my body a shade of purple
My shattered pieces are still making fresh wounds
My scars are still going to be visible on my skin,

So now it's one burning question~

"Stay or go?

~
Sooooo this book might be coming to a closeee but I might drag it out, I haven't decided yet, if you want me to please comment.😊

Word count~ 1042

Thanks again darlings💖