A Dark Place

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Y/N POV
unknown place
Isolation. Both something I crave and something I hate. I love being alone, that way I don't let people down, I don't... fail them.

As I awoke my eyes were instantly met by the colour white... Everywhere. The walls, the floor, the furniture it was everywhere. Looking down I saw many things attached to me, mainly wires and rubber padss so I immediately pulled the things off of me. Afterwards I swung my lower half off the side of the bed and stood up, my legs quivering  as they supported my weight. Eventually, I started to walk to the door when all of a sudden my legs gave out. My body crumpled to the floor, impacting the marble floor hard. I wanted badly to cry out in pain but I held my tongue out of reflex. Stepping out of bed with no shirt wasn't very pleasant as I would shiver every few seconds at the freezing stabs at my bare skin.
"Even when alone in a room you still hide your pain... what happened to you y/n?" Monika asked, leaning on the doorframe. Her face held pity.. and I hated that.
"I'm fine" I rasped, my voice scratchy from not being used for months. Monika widened her eyes, momentarily forgetting her initial goal of helping me off the floor. Placing my palms on the marble floor, I tried to lift myself off the ground but instantly fell back to the floor.
"Oh shit, let me help you" Monika stated, rushing over to me. I tried to shake her off but her grip was iron strong. Without warning she hoisted me to my feet, still keeping her grip on me to ensure I don't fall.
"Let's get you back to our dorm" She said, walking towards the door. Unfortunately, I was taken with her as I didn't yet have the strength to resist.
"... What happened to you in there?" She asked, to which I stayed silent.
"Can you not even speak to me? Your 'sister' Monika?" She asked, causing me to flinch away slightly. Not out of pain or fear... out of shame, shame that I'm letting someone down again. Not just someone.. my 'sister' from the gsg9. I'm pathetic.
"It's fine, you'll be back to your normal self soon" she replied. Hah, back to 'normal'. Nothing will ever be normal again.

Once we arrived at the dorm, my eyes were greeted by the three guys of the gsg9. They wore their combat gear and were reading through a sheet of paper. Suddenly, they noticed our presence at the door.
"We have an assignment, hostage extraction. Follow quickly Monika, we take off in ten. Sorry y/n, promise we'll hang out when we get back" Elias stated.
"Me and Dominic share a wardrobe, you may raid it for clothes and we can only hope you'll look as cool as us" Marius stated, posing with a stupid smile on his face. The corner of my mouth twitches, causing him to smile with satisfaction.
"you can sleep on my bed for now Y/N, see you later big bro" Monika said, giving me a tight hug before walking off with the rest of the team, leaving me alone in the dorm.

Silence bathed the room, not a sound could be heard accept my shaky breathing. Sitting on the bed I reflected on my torture, the white hot water that was thrown on me, the viscous punches, the branding, the sharp knives, the dull knives... Tracing the scars that littered my body my thoughts deepened into the void of hurt and pain that was my mind. My heart started to pound faster until it was practically out of my chest. My hands began to shake, slowly spreading to the rest of my body until I was a shaking mess. Tears started to drip from my eyes and I cursed how pathetic I was... how much of a failure I am. My eyes scanned the room until they landed on a glimmer that reflected from a sharp razor blade. Smashing the razor on the floor, I shuffled the pieces of plastic around the floor until I finally caught sight of the piece of metal. Reaching out I gripped the blade in my hand, contemplating what I was about to do and held it to the bare skin on my arm. Everything around me became as black as night and I could only see the blade and my arms. I deserved this.. I needed this... I wanted this. With a deep breath I pressed the blade down and dragged it across my skin, separating skin cells along my arm. It burned where I cut, but it brought me satisfaction to know that i was getting the pain i deserved. By the time i had calmed down, many fresh cuts littered my arms, new scars that would add to the already enormous amount I currently own. Stumbling to jäger's wardrobe I flung it open and examined his clothes, opting for a grey long sleeved top I collapsed onto Monika's bed with teary eyes. Sobbing escaped my mouth as I lay under the warm covers of my metaphorical sisters bed. There I cried my self to sleep, my thoughts drifting to how pathetic I really was... who would miss me if i was gone?

Time skip
Monika's POV
Walking through the hallways to the Dorms, me and my team were cracking jokes and laughing about stories. A warm feeling set in my stomach as I glanced at my friends who wore smiles on their faces. Eventually we arrived at our dorm where we entered it with a sigh of relief, our bones aching from the gruelling mission we just completed. A tough one to be sure, I ended up having to jump out of the second story window to avoid the wrath of a vested terrorist. As we walked in we were greeted to the sight of Y/N with tears flowing from his eyes and his body shaking.
"Is he having a nightmare?" Dominic asked
"That or a panic attack, keep in mind that he was kidnapped and tortured for 2 years, expect the poor kid to have nightmares for the next few weeks maybe even months" Elias replied, sadness filling his voice.
I stared at Y/N and felt pity for him, he didn't deserve this he was a great person with a heart of gold. He was the prize of the gsg9 and it pained me to see him like this. Lifting the covers I slipped into them so I was right next to him and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him. To both mine and the guys surprise he stopped shaking and went silent, snuggling closer to me. Blood rushed to my face as I felt his hot breath hit my neck and his strong arms wrap around me. I heard chuckling behind me from the guys which only worsened my blush. Closing my eyes I allowed myself to relax and drop off to sleep.
I will fix you.
______________________________________

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