Can't Help

Sometimes I just go through a journey back in time. And guess what? She's there! She's there to kiss me right in my lips even if the whole world was watching. She's there to hold me when I'm down, to turn my frown into a smile. Sometimes I just hate my smile. It's there only when she's around. She is there to love me, to make my life better. She's there to argue with me about everything and jump into my arms in just a split-second. And then gravity happens. I fall back to earth. I guess you cant keep flying in your head all the time. A part of me tells to move on. It tells that I'm hurting myself. Another part of me wants to hold on, just in case everything hasn't fallen into pieces. That part of me dies a little every second when I realise the fact that it's gone.

I guess it's easier for me to just lie down and fly back in time, even though it's just in my head. Why? Because I get to hold on to the last memories I have of her. So that I can blame myself one more time. So that I can just re-live those moments, live that time of my life with she in it. So that I can question myself one more time. Why the fuck did I let her go? Why didn't I try enough? What if I had tried enough? Would she still be there? What would have been of me, if she was still there? Have I gone crazy? I don't have enough life left in me to search the answers. I've lost it all. She took every piece of me with her. And I, can't help myself. Can't help!