Forward

Gone

Chapter 6

He quickly pulled away from the kiss, with his face very red.

"I'm-im so sorry.", he stuttered before quickly walking away.

"Harry!", I shouted after him, "Where are you going?"

To be honest, that was a magical moment. I liked Harry, I really did. And just thinking about that kiss gave me butterflies.

I ran down the hospital hallways, searching for Harry. I asked everyone if they had seen where he went, and they all said "I don't know.".

I was getting worried, where could he be? Did he leave? Why would he leave though?

I decided to go back to the car, and see if he was waiting in there with my mom.

As I was walking across the parking lot to my moms car, I tried not to get my hopes up. What if he wasn't there?

He shouldn't have apologized for kissing me, sure I've only known him for a short time but I've really got attached to him. He was perfect, and I couldn't bare to be without him. When you like someone, you're literally insane.

I opened the front door and saw that Harry wasn't in the car.

"Where's Harry?", I asked my mom who was clearly startled by my sudden approach.

"I don't know," she said, "he was in the hospital with you, wasn't he?"

"He was," I said, "but then he kissed me, apologized, then ran out. I don't know where he went."

"Woah, woah, woah," she said, "he kissed you? Honey, that's great!"

"Mom!", I said, "Stop. We need to find him!"

"He probably went home," she said in a calming voice, "I'm sure he'll stop by at the house later. Now, let's go home."

I sighed and sat down in the front seat, with my head in my hands.

I don't know how I felt honestly. I was worried yet I was sad. Why was I sad? I've never like anybody before, and was this what if felt like?

"Are you okay?", my mom broke the silence as she started driving down the road.

"I'm fine." I said. I remembered how much times I've said that, even if I wasn't, and people believed me.

She turned on the radio and classical music started playing. My mom didn't really have a specific music taste, she just listened to whatever the radio was turned on to.

The whole car ride home was filled with overthinking about Harry. If he kissed me, did he like me back? I mean, you don't just go kiss a friend and run away blushing.

And what if he didn't like me? How would I feel? I've always thought there was a possibility of him liking me, but I wasn't prepared for if he didn't.

Could I handle that?

All my life has been filled with sorrow and disappointment, nothing ever went right.

So why would this time be any different?

"Do you like him?", my mom said.

"I don't know.", I lied.

"You do.", she said.

"Then why ask?", I said. I don't know why, but I was already annoyed. I didn't feel like talking. I didn't feel like being around people. I didn't feel anything.

"Just curious," she said, "I think you should date him. You could use the happiness."

"I'm done talking," I snapped. She acted like I was some weirdo who found no joy in things. Yes, its true. But I don't want her saying it.

She ignored me and continued to speak, "Alex, you need to go back to therapy, Mrs.Stevens can help you."

"Stop it!", I shouted, "I don't want help from anybody! Can't you see I'm helpless? Can't you see that I'm a fuck up, that there's no hope for me? Just leave me alone!"

I started crying, again, and I laid my head against the car window. Why was life so difficult? Why couldn't I be a normal 16 year old. Partying, having fun, not worrying constantly.

No, but no! I got stuck with the shit life. Who wants to be an ugly fat 16 year old girl who cuts herself, is bipolar, is depressed, and is suicidal?

What's the point of living?

"Alex," my mom said, "you aren't helpless or hopeless. I love you so much, and I just want you to be happy."

"You know what will make me happy mom?"

"What?", she said.

"Being dead.", and then she finally shut up.

Do I regret saying that? No, because it was the truth. I'll be happy when I'm dead.

When we got home I went straight upstairs and into my room, laying down In my bed.

I looked up at the ceiling, with tears running down my face.

Why was I so fucked up?

Tonight.

Tonight.

I was gonna do it.

I was gonna kill myself.

I was ready, I really was.

I was done with life, I was done with myself.

What's the point in living if you're dead inside?

I got up from my bed, and walked to my drawer.

I opened the top one and pulled out a worn out piece of paper.

My suicide note.

I re read it one more time, for the last time;

"I'm dead now, and I bet no one really cares. Death never scared me, and I guess that's why I killed myself. I was unhappy, so miserable. The only thing that would make me happy was being dead. So, I did it. I'm sure now that I'm gone, a lot of weight will be taken off of peoples shoulders. I was an outcast who hated everything.

Now I'm gone. I hope you're all happy."

I folded the note and set it on my bed, taking a deep breath.

I grabbed my jacket and opened my bedroom window, It wasn't a far jump to land.

After I jumped off, I landed in our backyard. It was fenced but I just hopped over it, hoping no one from inside saw me. They all knew that if I was leaving at night, I was probably committing suicide.

I started off by walking to the water tower, but then I started running. I wanted to hurry up and jump off, before I changed my mind.

The cold air felt good, and it dried my tears.

A few groups of people gave me strange stares, and I wondered if they realized they were witnessing a girl about to commit suicide.

The park that had the water tower was completely empty, and it was dark.

I looked at the water tower, and took a huge breath.

This was it.

I was finally gonna be happy.

I looked at the top, and saw a figure standing at the edge.

I moved closer, to get a better look.

And then, I saw him.

A dark shadow, but I could recognize him.

He was about to jump.

"Harry, no!", I screamed.

*******Authors note********

Hope you liked this chapter! It was packed with many interesting thing. Personally, this one is one of my favorites so far (:

Next chapter will be up soon (:

Enjoy💕