Hey guys! So yeah Im probably going to do weekly updates for both my stories so yayyy:p Try to bare with me as I like establish the story line and characters okay? Feel free to leave comments vote and share this (hint hint wink wink;))
{Cats are an Acceptable Remedy for Tragedy}
Has anyone ever told you that you shouldn't feel sad because somewhere in this misery filled world someone has it worse? Yeah? Well that's crap. Yes, somewhere out there there are people dying, starving and suffering at the cruel hand of fate but your pain still cuts deep into every bit of who you are. People will snear and turn up their lips saying, "I've had it worse. It's really not that bad." Who ever decided that pain was something that could be compared? Everyone's sorrow is their own and comparing them is worthless.
That's why I couldn't face school again. I had waited a whole two weeks to go back and still people had judged and whispered behind my back. Yesterday, I had decided to grow a pair and face the rumors.
It hasn't been as easy as my dad and friends convinced me it would be. In the words of my oh so wise father, "No one will bother you. People's pity goes a long way and people's instinct to stay away from negative people goes even farther." Thanks dad. Your brain capacity has really proven itself.
Their not so silent gossip and obvious pointing followed me as I dragged myself through one hell of a day.
As many supposedly wise people have said, tragedy changes a person. What fewer people have said is the truth. Once something life smashing happens to you there is no describing how it feels.
Mind numbing white light floods your brain and you just can't seem to comprehend what is happening. You have to have your boyfriend's father repeat three times over the phone the address of the hospital. And once you climb into your car you just can't seem to get your hands to stop shaking enough to actually get there without getting into a car accident. Like he did. So you have to go back into your house and have your daddy drive you there like he used to when mommy was sick. The tears don't start until you're actually there and the entirety of the situation hits you so hard that you can barely speak to him through the tears that won't stop. Tragedy is truly the sound of his breathing stopping, with the heart monitor's flat continuing beep flooding through out every fiber of your being until you can't stand living any more. Tragedy is the sudden hatred of your own breath when his has stopped for the entirety of infinity. That, my wise philosophers, is tragedy.
But no one at my high school seems to be able to get that through the thick skulls of theirs. Even my friends, who as I mentioned before are part of the reason why I was forced through tortures yesterday, don't fully understand. I've tried to explain the self loathing I sometimes feel but the best they can do is to try to help me through it. A few stolen words of advice here and there but none of them have any personal experience. That is where the best advice and ideas come from. Personal experience drives every human to do what they do everyday.
My friends don't have any. Not when it comes to sadness. Shopping, yes. Happiness, yes. Being the best friends on the face of the planet, also yes, but although they knew Jake, no one knew him as well as I did.
He was a romantic and often read through as many romance novels as I let him get his hands on just to find cute and cheesy lines to feed to me. Although I knew that they were often the brilliantly written words of John Green, they made me blush every time. One of his favorites was "It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you."
Turns out he would be the one breaking mine.
But he was so much more than the slightly cliche quotes he always threw at me. He was adventurous, almost unbearably cute, sweet, overly protective, an amazing kisser (based on personnel experience), slightly bossy, a tiny bit clueless but was altogether an amazing guy.
Oh god, there I go with the was again. I don't think I would ever get used to thinking about him in the past tense. Any thought about him, from one about his funeral to his favorite cereal (fruit loops by the way), made my eyes tear up. That small handicap is just one of many that comes with being the girlfriend of a car crash victim.
Ever since the not so pleasant day spent at a not so pleasant place with not so pleasant people I've spent all 24 hours of the day holed up in my room scrolling through cat pictures on tumblr. Hey, might as well get used to cats since I'll be living with about 20 of them once I hit 19. I, Addison Bonheur, will officially be a cat lady before I graduate collage.
Technically I should be working on college applications, but I'm too exhausted to do anything that involves too many brain cells. Although I haven't left my delightfully warm bed since I got home from school yesterday I haven't slept at all,
And yes, cats are an acceptable remedy for tragedy.
My dad doesn't agree with me on that matter and won't stop trying to coax me out of my cave. Apparently it isn't a good idea to leave a possibly suicidal teenager alone in their room for longer than 15 minutes.
He also has my friends Ella and Marie playing guard duty over the weekends so he can work. It's a repeat of the same things everyday, with me, the grief stricken teenager, preventing the overprotective parent from being able to go work and make the money for the countless number of antidepressants, that I as the grieving girl must take. He is only free on the weekends but doesn't complain.
He's the only one in my life who can actually give solid advice on how to handle life after they're gone. Advice, after all, can only be given from personal experiences. With mom gone and now Jake we're both left with only each other and misery for company.
Alone is the perfect adjective for my life after him. Alone is the sorrow and sadness that fills up my empty shell of a body. Alone.
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Lol hi:3 I'm know some of this is kinda deep. I've also never had any of the same experiences Addy has and Im not depressed. I really hope this connected to some people's experiences and I'm sorry if I totally butchered what it feels likes to lose someone so close to you.
But if you read this or voted or fanned or anything please know that I love each and everyone of you:*
Also know that I painstakingly have to italicize each of the words in my authors note by hand AHHH so ill try to keep it short.
Love youuuuuuuuuuuu
-Molly
YOU ARE READING
Alone
Novela JuvenilAddison is a girl with a story, one that everyone in town knows and one everyone wants to forget. She'll need to learn how to keep on living in a story of self discovery, sadness and friendship.
