Friendzone

Part 2

It's been a week since our last conversation. I haven't heard from her since then.

So I go to her house to check on her. when I knocked she slowly opened the door just a little. she's been crying again. she let me in and she hugged me.

I asked her why she didn't call me. she said she feels like I was getting tired of her.

"I think about peace constantly, But then I can't have it..." She started. Then.

"Please help me." She said simply.

"I want to feel something other than this."

"What do you feel?" I asked her.

"I feel worthless." She said, her voice trembling.

Trying not to cry again, she covers her face. Just like every other episode she has. Its the same routine.

So I just went on trying to encourage her.

"Look, I know some times you feel the whole world is against you, but those are just lies, lies that you shouldn't believe." I said trying to convince her.

"I'm not going to lie to myself. Don't lie, Oli. I'm not IT. Never worth it. Never good enough, never nice enough. NEVER. ENOUGH." She said,  and before I could even start to try to encourage her, she starts again.

"No one is ever gonna be happy with me because I'm shit!"

"I'm tired of myself!" She quickly added.

"Everyone is tired of me. Even God is. I fucking hate myself. I'm tired. You will be too!"

Then silence. I was thinking. Have I made it seem like I was tired of her?

Maybe it was the way I talked?

I would never grow tired of helping her out though. She knows that. atleast that's what I want her to think.

I waited a bit to make sure she had said everything she wanted, and when it seemed like so, I said,

"No one ever is worth 'it'." I decided to be honest to her. To myself.

I thought about what I was planning to say.

"Everyone is shit." I went on.

"Either you be happy with what you've got and what you are. Or let those shit things in life bring you down."

She lifted her eyes to meet mine.

Then I said.

"And If I were you, I'd choose to be happy regardless who, what, and where I am."

She smiled. Just a small grin, but she smiled. So I went on "Plus, I'm not tired of you.

If I were, I wouldn't have walked 9 blocks to get to you."

"I'm sorry. It's just that.."

"Don't be.." I interrupted.

"I wanted to do that. Cause you were worth it.." I smiled.

"Thanks, but I wish it were that easy to tell myself to 'be happy'." She said as she lay her head on my shoulder.

"What? Its easy." I laughed to change the mood.

"Think of every little detail of what you have and be thankful for it. happiness." I said.

she paused. then said:

"Nothing but sadness.."

"Be happy you have friends, family..

A boyfriend who loves you." I held her hand in mine.

It was bitter-sweet.

"They probably don't say it much but, don't they try to show it to you with the little things they do for you?"

She sat silently.

"Be happy with that and you'll see the world a lot more positively" I squeezed her hand a little.

"Hopefully.." She said, stood up, letting go of my hand.

"Surely." I smiled at her as I stood.

"Thank you.. And I'm sorry." She brushes my hand away.

"I just had no one else to tell. Please don't ever get tired of me."

"I wont, promise." I said softly.