A Fractured Fairytale

Chapter 11-Facing him

Like I was some sort of celebrity, Julia escorted me into my own house. She was unaware of what state dad would be in, so she dropped Kevin, Phoebe and Alfie home, before we arrived at the house. The house was planted at the very end of the road and was pretty much the only thing in the garden that wasn’t swimming in the newly formed lake due to the April showers. I noticed that while I was away, everything had grown and the garden seemed to be messier than before. The bushes around the house were overgrown as if they were fighting for space with their neighbours and the curved branches of the cherry blossom tree reached out as if they were hands trying to snatch me from the pathway. The newly grown leaves on the blossom tree cupped the water on their waxy surface, letting the droplets find their own way off, as if they had minds of their own. Allowing water to seep into the gaps, the bark hugging the trunk of the tree was cracked, as if somebody had begun carving a message into the bark and never got the chance to finish. My clothes now felt heavy as they sucked up the rainwater and stuck to me like they were part of my own skin. Rain droplets rolled down my face, causing me to blink as they touched my cheeks and the coldness absorbed into my skin. The raindrops battered the grey rooftop, hitting the tiles and sounding similar to the rushing of human feet as they bounced down the front of the house and dissolved into nothing as they met with the grass. The grass attempted to drink all of the rainwater at first, but now it was suffering as the rainfall was falling heavier by the second, choking the plants as they drooped like the elderly.

We climbed the few steps leading to the door, careful not to slip in the water as raindrops hit the puddles around us, ripples making their way outwards like waves of sound. The first few steps were drenched in water, but only specks of rain had managed to find their way onto the last step horizontal to the door, because the porch had sheltered it. I remember Belle crying weakly in Julia’s arms, only for her tears to merge in with the raindrops already on her face, leaving a damp trail on her cheeks. Her winging was directly by my ear, but it still became quiet against the rain.

Ants scurried out of a hole beside my shoe, feeling threatened by the droplets of rain, which flooded their homes like an ocean capturing fishing boats in its waves. Everything that would usually remain unnoticed, like the weather, posed a threat to those tiny creatures.

I found myself face to face with the door, its pastel green seemed darker on this miserable day, in fact everything did.

Just above my head, the rusting bronze knocker was nailed to the door, it was circular, like a ring and was just big enough for a hand to close around it. I wondered whether this house had always had this knocker, I could imagine mum tapping it when she was expecting her first date with dad, her fair hair flying behind her, like a flag, in the humid summer breeze. Her other hand would be occupied with holding a red rose, its petals the deep colour of blood. It was a younger, healthy mum without a wheelchair, that was how I liked to remember her, but it was hard to, the thought was decreasing, until one day it would vanish completely. My hand wrapped round the knocker, it was weird, but wonderful, at the same time, to think that along with many other hands, I would be touching one last bit of mum. The knocker beat against the door, a quick, chipper sound echoing through the house. There were a few seconds where I could only hear the pattering of the rain behind me and at that moment it felt so strange that the rain had no way of touching me whilst I was under the porch, but I was in danger of something, or in fact someone else: dad. When I didn’t hear anyone coming to the door, I immediately thought the worst. What if he could never forgive himself for what he had done? What if he was too heartbroken to carry on with life? What if he was too ashamed and could no longer face the outside, no longer open his door? What if he decided that enough was enough and-

The door was opened revealing the long, familiar corridor and sending warmth directly to me, beckoning me inside cruelly. It came as a shock to me when his arms threw themselves around me, holding me firmly, as if he could never let me go again. He would not let his little princess go, just like he did with his queen. “I am so sorry Elsie.” He whispered in my ear, his breath was fresh and I could faintly smell toothpaste, but to my relief I couldn’t identify any alcohol. My robotic arms forced themselves to lift from my sides and as they coiled round his body, it somehow felt natural again, as if I was holding the old dad. He rested his head on my shoulder and to put my head on his, I stood on my tiptoes, extending my body like a ballerina. His voice cracked and at that point I knew that he was crying, “I was counting down the days until you would be back. I’ve missed you!”

The navy blue shirt, clasping dad, was creased at the back with the way he was clinging onto me and I could see little wet patches forming within the wrinkles where my sodden hair was dripping, but at this point dad didn’t care.

Slowly dad let go of me, standing up whilst straightening his shirt out, he now had to face the wrath of Julia. He looked her in the eye and she bowed her head to avoid his eyeline, she couldn’t even look at him. “Julia? I am so sorry, I can’t begin to-“

Dad put his hand lightly on Julia’s chin, to raise her head. Julia’s head sprang up as she locked her eyes on dad, and as she did so, dad tried to look away, but he found that her glare was so threatening, that there was no way he could break their eyeline. “Don’t touch me!” Julia snapped.

“Can I hold my daughter? At least.” Dad felt as if he had to ask for permission now to cuddle Belle. “I feel like I have to ask you before I take her.”

Julia lowered her voice to a whisper, “Too right you do! If you ever do this again then you will never be able to hold your daughters. Just so that you know-“ Julia didn’t even hesitate, it was as if she had been rehearsing this speech all along, just like I did for mum, but some speeches never get the chance to be said. “I am not doing this for you, I am doing this for Elsie and Belle.” The woman, feeling extremely over-protective of a child she hardly even knew, handed the baby girl to her father and he pressed his lips to the baby’s forehead as if it were the last kiss she would ever receive from her daddy. Both the man and the woman believed that the little girl, of seven years old, hadn’t heard the words, that day, but I had heard them alright.

“Well,” Dad sighed, forcing happiness upon his face, so that his lips widened with a comforting smile. He gathered himself together by wiping away the tears under his eyes with the spare hand that wasn’t wrapped around Belle. “Come on in, I’ll make us all a nice hot chocolate and you can tell me what you have been up to, deal?”

“Deal.” I confirmed, returning the smile. For a second I almost believed that he was truly sorry, but then again, any little girl would know that that would be too good to be true.