Strawberries and Kisses

Chapter IV

I get up slowly, and proceed down the stairs. When I get to the bottom step, I discover the source of the sobbing. It's Chrystal. She has her face buried in her palms, and I hear the sniffling every few moments from her sobbing. It hurts to see her in this state. She looks so torn, and so hurt. I sit next to her in an attempt to console her.

"What's wrong?" I ask, wrapping an arm around her.

She then lifts her head and looks at me. Her eyes were red, and her cheeks were tear-stained.

"Oh, hey Wes..." she mumbles.

She begins to wipe her face, and rub her eyes, perhaps in an attempt to look slightly more presentable. I hadn't seen Chrystal like this in quite some time. Whatever's bothering her must be quite major. After a bit of silence, Chrystal speaks.

"You ever like someone so much, like I mean a lot.., and for a really long time, and then realize that they like someone else?" Chrystal asks, sniffling between every few words.

I hesitate, and think. That's a feeling I know all too well.

"Yea... I know that feeling." I respond, in a hushed tone.

Chrystal then leans over and rests her head on my shoulder. A few more minutes of silence pass.

"I like Gavin." she then says silently.

I then come to the realization of what's happening.

"I wouldn't even be as upset if Gavin was dating anyone else. But why Chelsea of all people?" she asks, bitterly.

I remained silent, attempting to take in this new information. I then began to wonder...

"Did you tell Chelsea you liked Gavin?" I ask.

"Yes!" she says, lifting her head off my shoulder momentarily. "I told her about a month ago, but she still went ahead and started dating him, didn't she." she exclaimed.

"That's what pisses me off." she finished, resting her head back on my shoulder.

I slowly nod.

"I wanted to tell you about my whole feelings towards Gavin sooner, but I couldn't. Not after all the shit you went through last year." she mumbled.

Immediately, events from last year begin to flood my mind. What Chrystal was referring to, was my massive crush on Gavin that lasted all of my grade 8 year.

* * *

Gavin Pelayo... Out of the many crushes I've had, this one had to be the most emotionally intense and strange. Looking back objectively, why I had a crush on him is beyond me. Was it the fact that he practically gave zero shits about what others thought of him? Or was it his great yet questionable sense of humor? Whatever it was, he was quite attractive to a majority of my female classmates, and my male classmates were quite jealous of him, whether they wanted to admit it or not. To my knowledge I was the only male that "liked" him last year. He was an attention-getter without a doubt, and even with a million-and-one odds against it, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could have a chance.

Ha.

I still remember the day that I decided to try to tell him about my feelings...

It was 10:00 a.m. on a snowy November morning. Just a few minutes until the bell would ring, letting us out for break. In my left hand, a note. Inside that note, a heart-felt letter. I'm not sure what I looked like while waiting for Gavin to enter the classroom coming back from music class, but inside, I was nearly shitting myself.
Gavin enters the class with a few of his friends.

"Come on now, you can do it." I say to myself, inhaling deeply. I then walk in his direction.

"H-Hey, Gavin? Can I talk to you for a sec?" I stutter.

"Yeah, sure." he replies, hesitantly, as his friends go about their own activities.

"I gotta give you this..." I say, trying to control my quivering voice. I hand him the letter quickly, which was no easy feat. As he begins to open it, the bell rings. And instantly, I bolt. I feel as though I'm possessed, like I can't control my legs. I run down the stairs, and outside to the school yard. I'm one of the first few kids outside. I run to the corner of the school yard, and sit on the snowy grass underneath the large oak tree. To say my heart was racing would be an understatement. I'm trembling, but not because of the frigid cold. I begin questioning my decision.

"What if what little friendship you have gets fucked up now? What if he tells everyone about this?" I think to myself.

A few minutes later, I see a figure in a blue winter jacket walking towards me. Because of the heavy snowfall, I'm unable to make out the face. As the person gets closer, I'm able to make out who it is. It's Gavin. He walks up to me, and sits next to me.

"Hey." he whispers.

I nod, not daring to look him in the face.

"I read your letter." he continues.

I brace for the worst possible reaction, except... it's not happening. I turn to look at Gavin, and he's wearing a slight smile.

"You really do like me, eh?" he asks.

I attempt to say 'yes,' but it's as if my mouth fails to listen to my brain's commands. I just nod again.

Gavin lets out a sigh. "Look, Wesley. You seem like a pretty chill dude, but imma be honest and say that I probably never will like you the same way you like me." he says.

At this point I feel as though my heart had been shattered. I wasn't entirely suprised at this statement, but to say I took it lightly would be a lie.

"Oh.. Okay." I almost whimper.

A few minutes of silence pass.

"Gavin, please don't tell anyone about this... I beg of you." I plead, almost choking up. I felt so vulnerable, and I hated that.

Gavin shoots me a look of shock. "Oh fuck. Of course I wouldn't. I'm not those kind of people." he says, giggling lightly.

At this point, the bell rings.

"Race you to the line!" he yelps, and takes off towards the building, almost slipping on the accumulated snow.

I didn't want to move. I felt too crushed to move. I had just been through my first real rejection. I'd heard prior to this that rejections are painful, but never believed it until this very moment. I put my head in my palms, and start to cry. I'm not sure why, but tears start falling. I begin to completely forget where I am.

* * *
"Wesley? You okay?" Chrystal asks, worried.

Coming back to my senses, I realize that re-living that particular memory caused me to shed some real tears without even realizing it. I wipe my face quickly.

"Yea, I'm good now." I say, trying to dismiss what just happened.

"I didn't mean to bring anythi-" Chrystal attempts to say before I interrupt.

"No, it's fine. Seriously." I interject.

Chrystal gets up to look at me to be sure that I'm being sincere. Satisfied, she sits back down. After, I lean over onto her shoulder.
I check my watch. The time reads 1:15.

"There's no point going to third period at this point." I say, thinking out loud.

"I'm gonna stay here until the bell for fourth rings." Chrystal sighs.

I nod in agreement.

"Thanks for being here for me." Chrystal says, appreciative. She then gives me a hug, to which I gladly return.