Memories That Fade Like Photographs

Nothing With You

   Facebook sure does have its way of rubbing salt in old wounds. I know it doesn't understand when things aren't going well in your friendships, but damn, it always manages to bring up old baggage.
   "Someone reacted to your picture of Him." It pops up in my notifications. Just as I'm about to swipe away the nonsense, my mind begins to get the better of me. Sure, it's only been a month since He unfriended me. Not sure why even; To teach me a lesson, or maybe just to make me feel bad. A stranger has shown admiration for my picture. A picture I took of Him. A picture I had taken out of adoration of Him. My insides boil My heart feels like it's going to burst. "YOU DON'T GET TO KEEP THESE PICTURES! THEY'RE MINE! I TOOK THEM! THEY'RE MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM!" I yell at my computer with tears in my eyes. I click on the picture in question. Staring at my own photographic talent. The sharpness, the contrast, the vivid rich color. My eyes sink into His and it takes me back.

......................Flashback....................
   May 4th 2014

ME: Hey I'm on my way to the game. Do you need a ride?
HIM: Yea, if you would.
ME: I'm actually almost to your place.
ME: See you in a minute.

   I knocked on the door as I usually do. He always tells me to walk right in, but I've learned my lesson on that in the past.
   "Hey, so uhm... Actually. I was thinking. I'm not gonna go today." He seemed nervous while letting me in.
   "Oh, well, it's not that big of a deal. I gotta pee though." I push him to the side and race for the bathroom on the other end of the house.
   "You always have to pee." He cracks.
I walk out to see him frantically texting on his phone.
   "You ok?" I grab my keys getting ready to walk back out the door.
   "Yea yea. Um, are you hungry? I can make you something."
   "No, I'm fine," I respond while petting his dog.
   "I should run up to the store. I gotta grab something to drink." He starts rambling and I'm worried. At this point, I couldn't tell if he wanted me to leave or try to calm him down. It's always a toss-up when it comes to his anxiety.
   "I can run you up there before I leave." I offer worried.
   "No no no. It's ok I can walk. It's not that far. Actually, y'know what sounds good? Ice cream. Do you want some ice cream? We should go get some ice cream."
   "Sure. I'd rather hang out with you than go to the game. I look like hell though."
   "SO!" He put his shoes on while I put the leash on his dog.
   The walk into town was fairly quiet. He stayed a few feet ahead of me the whole way. The storefronts lined the edge of the road and I could see the ice cream shop down on the corner as we approached Main Street.  He would look back occasionally and tell me to pick up the pace.
   "My legs aren't as long as yours. You're practically running."
   "Oh wah. Dog's legs are shorter than yours and he's gained more ground than both of us." He would slow down and let me catch up, then pick up speed leaving me in the dust. I remember I couldn't wait to sit down at that shop and enjoy a rest for a minute.
    "I'll sit out here with the dog." My chest filled with anxiety at the thought of ordering.
   "He'll be fine. I just tie him up right here. C'mon." He summoned me into the small parlor filled with chalkboard menus and old style ice cream. The girl behind the cooler asked for our order and he confidently rattled his off, but I forgot to listen. And then he pointed to me.
   "Uh um uhm uh... same thing he's having." I prayed it was something good because the knots in my stomach weren't going to allow me to think for myself. I began to pull money from my pocket but he paid before I could. I tried handing the money to him but he made me put it away.
   Standing outside, leash in one hand and cone in the other, He meticulously licked around the 2 giant scoops of stacked blue ice cream. I didn't need that much ice cream. In fact, I'm lactose intolerant. I knew that wasn't going to sit well with me. Whatever it took to spend time with my best friend.
   "Ready?" He asked. I nodded as he began to walk in the opposite direction if his house. I followed, confused. But, back then, I'd follow him anywhere. My short little legs trying to keep up with all 6 feet 4 inches of Him. We round a section of trees and followed a creek into a clearing with a park. "I like coming here. I usually ride my bike here." I smile. I love hearing about the things that make him happy. His face lights up and his smile reveals these lines and dimples. As he talks, we finish our cones and watch the ducks float down the river. We spill a little gossip and laugh about our misfortunes that we can not control.
   Heading back consisted of me tripping over my feet and trying to maintain a jog. He chuckled at me many times.
   "Thanks for the ice cream. I'm going to take off, though." He reached down to hug me outside my van.
   "Love you." His platonic words send shivers up my spine.
   "Love you too, kid" His arms feel like they could smash me into a million pieces but, I hold him there until he lets go. His eyes looked sad and I'm pretty sure, in one way or another, I had destroyed all of his plans that he had made that day.