Spotlight - Phan

Chapter 1

A/N: yes you're reading this correctly, I'm actually gonna write a full length story! Woo! Chapters! Plot! Other stuff! A little shoutout to my lovely friend for helping me edit this and all that fun stuff! But anyway I was listening to Lil Peep's new song that was released recently (rip peep btw) and it really hit me hard and I instantly felt the need to write out a story about it. The songs called Spotlight and woo it's sad but so am I so here's this thing. I'm gonna try and upload once a week, probably on Tuesday's. Anyway here's the start whatever I'll put quotes or song lyrics at the beginning of each chapter to give u a feel. The lyrics for this one are from the song I mentioned earlier Spotlight by Lil Peep. Enjoy or whatever.

"Loving you is like a fairytale
I just can't pick up the phone again
This time I'll be on my own, my friend
One more time, I'm all alone again"

Phil rolled off of me, sweating and breathing heavily. Normally, I would be feeling the same way he was, but lately I just haven't been. I mean, I was feeling the same way he was, but only physically. Emotionally, I was somewhere else. I felt kind of lost. I've been stuck in this place for a bit now. This was one of the times our relationship was on instead of off I knew he went to someone else when we were off. In the end he would always come back to me, so I sit and I wait and we both hurt. This was just how we were.It's always been us, even when it isn't.

"Dan, will you grab that towel, I'll clean up this time." I reached over the bright bunched up lump of blanket and grabbed the small towel we kept nearby. I wondered if he ever used this with someone else. I immediately knocked that thought out of my brain and handed him the small white towel. "Here. Just clean yourself, I'm gonna take a shower." This wasn't unusual, so he didn't bat an eye at the statement before he went on with wiping my cum off his stomach. My body shook involuntarily when I left the heat of our bed and made my way towards our bathroom. Once I entered the bathroom, the thoughts I had before were hitting me faster than it took to close the door.

"He got what he wanted from you."
"He's gonna leave again now."
"You really aren't even enough to keep him around."
"You're basically just a self-cleaning sex doll to him."

I was staring at myself in the mirror now, and I really couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I didn't look like I was 26 anymore. I looked like I was in my forties. The amount of stress my own life has caused had affected my body, but not in a positive manner. The more I looked, the more flaws I pointed out in my physical appearance. No wonder why he leaves so frequently. I wouldn't wanna stay and look at this body for any longer than I had to either. I heard a small shuffle coming towards the bathroom door and my mental assumption was correct when a naked Phil in all his glory opened the bathroom door and stepped towards me. "I'm gonna join you, that okay?" He asked, but I couldn't form a proper response because my mind was still stuck in the spotlight of the dark parts of my mind. I managed a small nod and watched him turn the shower on and get in, holding the curtain open for me. I accepted his silent offer and followed him in.

He was behind me now, running my vanilla scented shampoo through my hair gently, massaging my scalp with the tips of his fingers. As good as this felt, I couldn't keep my mind from wondering why he was so good to me and at the drop of a needle switches up and leaves. After all these years I could never anticipate when he is going to leave, or what the hell even causes it. I've tried so many times to try and figure out what brings out that side to him and every time I've come up empty handed.

He rinsed my hair out before following up with my matching conditioner and repeated his previous actions. Once we were out of the shower he pressed a small kiss against my lips before drying his hair lazily with a towel and leaving to sleep in our bed. I looked at myself in the mirror once more and shook my head before walking into my room and slipping under the covers next to the man who owns my heart, yet neglects it. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in. My head was in the crook of his neck and I could feel his pulse beginning to slow.

"Phil?" I said in a small voice, unsure he would even respond. I received a small groan and decided to keep talking. "Don't take this in the wrong way, but do you really even love me anymore?" The sentence started off in a strong, sure voice but ended in a mere whisper.
Dan..." Phil trailed off, gathering his thoughts before continuing, "Of course I love you, now go to bed."He said this gently, but it felt forced. I sighed and closed my eyes, not sleeping but thinking about how different Phil's answer four years ago would be. I imagined a heartfelt, mushy, and soft answer that listed all the reasons he loved me. But I was left to deal with the cold, unnerving doubt and insecurity in Phil, never knowing when he might leave me again.

I slept to the chorus of doubt and loneliness resounding in my head, holding on to the arms wrapped around my body tighter, for fear that they might disappear when I woke up.