𝗜 𝗙𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗜𝗡 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗪𝗜𝗧𝗛 𝗠𝗬 𝗕𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗙𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗡𝗗 | 𝗕𝗟

N-I-N-E-T-E-E-N

I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BESTFRIEND
BY: Non_Exquisite

CHAPTER NINETEEN

KIT'S POV

    I spent all day in bed. Thinking, contemplating on how I should handle this situation. I haven't done anything other than go to the kitchen to eat because my mom forced me to. I haven't talk to Pha or Beam all day. Usually we are constantly texting in our group chat. But today that's not possible. I don't have a phone right now. But that's a good thing because I'm not really feeling up to talking to them today.

    The main reason I don't have a phone right now is because of what I did last night. After I saw what Pha had done, adding N'Wayo on instagram, I took some time to calm down, but the minute I stopped crying for the nth time that day, my phone buzzed indicating a new massage. When I picked it up from the floor were I had dropped it, I saw the massage was from Pha and my heart lifted a bit. I had cried over that man for so many hours but one text was able to make me happy and almost forget all the pain I've been going through that day. My excitement quickly vanished though as I read the massage. In it, he was basically saying that he wouldn't be able to go on the trip anymore because he didn't feel right leaving things with N'Wayo the way they were.

    WAYO. WAYO. WAYO!

    I know it's not his fault and I can't hate him for someone else's actions but...F*CK! I never said I can't dislike him for it. I feel like I should tell him to stop f*cking up my shit, but pha isn't mine so much have no right so get mad and there is nothing I can do about it.

    Now it wasn't just pain that I felt but anger too. How could Pha do this to me. I mean I've never come out and told him how I felt but didn't he see it. Didn't he feel it. Didn't he at least suspect that I felt for him what no normal person feels for someone who is just a friend! It makes me even angrier that i had been asking myself all these questions all day even though I already know the answer. Ugh!

    I stared at the words on the screen until I couldn't take it anymore. Without thinking I throw my phone and it hit the wall. I heard it land on the floor with some broken pieces but at the time I didn't really care.

    Now I'm just here on my bed trying to think about just how fucked up things have turned out in just a day. I don't think I've ever gone through such a horrific roller coaster ride of emotions than I have today. All because of this man that I can't help but love with I all my heart no matter how much I try not to.

    Now I'm also scared to se him because now I know for a fact that chances with Pha are nonexistent, but I'm so stubborn because I don't want to let go. There should no longer be a dream that it might one day come true. Because sadly that's not my reality, it's for another kit in another universe.

    Honestly, I need to go out. My room has become my own personal hell. I received a lot of bad news in here and now it's beginning to feel stuffy. Uncomfortable. I need some air. I quickly put on some sweats, grab my wallet and quickly head out with a quick bye to my mom.

    I start walking but I actually don't have a place in me mind to go. I think right now I should stay away from Pha. Try to give myself time to rethink things. Maybe take the necessary steps in order for me to get over him because I don't like this feeling, like my heart is slowly being torn from my chest and it's a struggle to breath.

    I don't want to cry anymore. I'm tired of it.

    Maybe I should go see Beam. I told him yesterday about my feelings for Pha. I wasn't planning on it. In fact I never planned on telling anyone until I had enough courage to actually do something about it. I know Beam won't tell Pha. Beam is good like that. His not the type to get in between situations. I hope this situation won't make him feel awkward. If anything I know I should take necessary precaution not to hurt him along the way.