Masking Amaya Frazer

{8} Lived a Lie

I did not get one wink of sleep that night which explained the dark circles under my eyes the next morning. I took a deep breath as I walked to class, reveling in the fact that I wouldn't have to face Milo until we had class again tomorrow.

I cried my eyes out in front of him not once, not twice, but three times after knowing each other for a grand total of two days. Talk about embarrassing. Not only that, but we had slept together.

And no, not in that way.

I told myself the rosy tint to my cheeks was from the frosty air nipping at my face, but I knew better than to think that was the sole cause of it.

A buzz in my pocket made me pause as I entered the library to answer it. My heart raced as I furrowed my brows and picked up the phone, picking at the tears in my ripped jeans.

"Milo?"

"Hey. I was thinking about what you told me and I think you should see a professional."

"Hold up," I said, taking a seat on a nearby couch, "What are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath. "I've only had a few classes on counseling and I'm not very good at it yet. Maybe you should go to the Counseling Center on campus or something."

I paused, processing what he was saying. "I'm fine."

"No, Amaya. You're not fine. I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I just said that I was. Milo, I don't feel comfortable telling someone else about my messed up life." It was a miracle I had even opened up to him.

"Please? Just consider it."

I sighed, dropping my forehead in my hand. "Sure. I gotta get to class."

"Alright. See you later."

He hung up and I leaned back, stretching my legs out in front of me. I thought more about what he said and I knew he was the type to keep nagging me about it, so before I could change my mind, I made an appointment to meet with one of the counselors.

I was able to book a time for this afternoon since it was only the start of the semester and not many students were stressed or overwhelmed quite yet.

*********

Apprehension caused my stomach to flip as I scaled the staircase to the Counseling Center. I did not want to have to relive the experience again when it was still fresh in my head from telling Milo about it. I debated turning back the way I had come, but I wouldn't be able to face him if I did.

Mustering the courage that I didn't feel, I strode up to the desk, requesting, "Hi, I'm Amaya Frazer. I have an appointment at three and I was wondering if I was in the right place?" My nerves got the best of me as I peeled the skin from my fingers almost subconsciously.

A student a few years older than myself typed away at the computer with a nod. "You can take a seat right over there," he said, gesturing at the empty lobby of chairs. "She'll be with you shortly."

"Thanks," I said, doing as I was told.

The visit was supposed to help me with my anxiety, but if anything, it made me even more anxious. Fiddling with my phone, I tried for a distraction as I waited.

"Amaya?"

I lifted my head to find a woman with blonde hair and forest green eyes step out from her office to give me a warm smile. I stood, accepting her outstretched hand as she introduced herself.

"I'm Mrs. Carter, nice to meet you, honey."

"Nice to meet you, too."

"Come right this way," she instructed, leading me into her office. Closing the door behind me, she took a seat on a worn leather couch and reached across the gap to pat a hand on the one in front of her.