Masking Amaya Frazer

{10} So Cold

Bursting through the door of my dorm room, I stumbled with blurred vision as I opened my closet in search of my shower supplies. I grabbed a razor from the bin and slid the cover off, shoving the sleeve of my hoodie to my elbow.

"The next time you feel like cutting, take a marker and draw on the spot instead. It will help you fight the urge."

Milo's concerned words filtered through the haze. The razor clattered to the ground as I fell to my knees and broke down, heaving giant sobs.

I gasped for air, taking deep breaths as I leaned my head back against the wall. Snatching a marker off the top of my desk, I uncapped it and turned the cool tip to the inside of my wrist.

I didn't think as the ink danced across my skin in swirling spirals, gliding over the ridges and valleys of the scar tissue that had built up over the years. By the time my pounding heart had relaxed and I was able to breathe normally without shedding any tears, the blue ink had covered nearly every scar.

Milo's cold words pierced the ice around my heart, threatening to shatter it.

My phone buzzed and I groaned when his name flashed across the screen. Not in the mood, I sniffled, placed a palm to my forehead, and answered, "Fuck off."

A heavy sigh came from the other end of the call. "Listen, I know I'm probably the last person you want to speak to right now-"

"Yeah, bye."

My finger hovered above the red button to end the call when he rushed on, "Wait. I found a way that you might be able to continue attending this school without having to transfer if the prize money isn't enough."

Despite what he had said during art class, he was still thinking about me whether he realized it or not. I hated the way my heart raced at the thought.

Feigning disinterest, I muttered, "Oh, really? How?"

It seemed to me that this campus wasn't big enough for the two of us so did I really mind transferring now?

The answer was simple; I'd much rather spend my time around Milo than the boy who single-handedly ruined my life in high school if I were to go back home.

"My mother's job requires her to travel often so she's looking for a nanny to look after my baby sister over the summer in New York," he explained.

"Why can't you just babysit her?" I asked, surprised that he had never mentioned anything about a baby sister before--not that I had even bothered to ask.

"I'm taking summer courses on campus to make sure I graduate on time. I won't be home to take care of her. Plus, my mom is no stranger to money; she'll pay well for you to stay here."

"I don't know, Milo. My parents..."

"Just think about it."

The line went dead and at the time, I hadn't been aware that would have been the last I'd hear from him in a while.

**********

The semester dragged on at a painstakingly slow pace. Milo and I didn't speak and it just so happened that the majority of the classes that I attended were the ones that he skipped and vice versa.

On the penultimate day of class, I finally summed up enough courage to break the infinite silence.

"We have two days before the final project is due and we haven't even started."

Milo's fierce eyes penetrated my own with his hawkish stare. "A masterpiece can't be made overnight."

"We should've been working on it all semester, but it's not my fault that you suddenly decided to shun me and be a complete jerk about the story I confided in you."

Much like he had done when we first officially met on the first day of class, Milo grabbed my wrist and scrutinized it. His gaze lingered for a few moments as his eyes traced the spiraling designs that washed away each day only to be repainted the next.

"That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

"What are you talking about?"

His eyes found mine, capturing my breath in his intense stare. My entire guard fell as his fingers intertwined with mine.

"I didn't mean a single word I said that day."

I gasped, at a loss for words.

He continued, "But I did mean that I had fallen hard for you. I broke my promise about being your wings, but you had to learn how to fly by yourself. And you did."

I shook free of his grasp and idly rubbed the insides of my wrists as I frowned. "Can you not imitate Walt Whitman for once?"

"What I mean is this; I deliberately said things that I knew would hurt you and keep you away from me. You started to rely on me too much when you were the only one who could save yourself."

"I was only able to stay strong through all of this because of what you told me to do. I drew on myself each time I felt like cutting since you betrayed me," I snapped.

His blue eyes darkened. "This was no betrayal, Dove, but I can teach you all about what it's like to be betrayed. For now, let's finish this project because I know exactly what we're going to do."

I threw my arms up in the air. "What brilliant piece of work are you going to create in two days?"

"Tell me, what does a dove symbolize?"

"I don't know. Purity? Love?"

"You're anything but pure and innocent, hm?"

I narrowed my brows, angered at the fact that he was bringing up my past of sleeping around with many guys.

"Milo," I warned in a sharp tone.

"It's a facade, Dove. That night at the club? You wore the mask of innocence and I, the mask of perception. But what happened when we removed the masks?"

"You learned my story. Why do you still call me 'Dove' if you know it doesn't suit me?"

"Because you're still hiding behind that mask. And so am I. Our project will shake the world of art and threaten the true definition of it when we unveil our masks."

Still skeptical, I deadpanned, "I am so not following what you're saying."

Milo stood up, sauntering around to the back of my chair. He pressed his chest to my back and leaned forward as he covered my eyes with his cool hands.

Whispering in my ear, he sent shivers down my spine as he said, "It's time for you to see what's beneath my mask, but I must warn you, what you find underneath will not be pretty."

Hardly daring to breathe, I hushed, "Show me."

He straightened, but kept his hands over my eyes. "Meet me tonight on the balcony of the library. I'll show you what it's really like to fly."

********

Hi! I think it's been over two months since I updated this story. I feel like it's kind of boring... Sorry for such a long wait, but thank you so much for sticking with the story! As always, please leave a vote and a comment to let me know what you think of it. Thanks! :)