After the Party

Chapter Five

...The road is short but the journey can go on forever.

Jameson and I have been driving for about 4 hours now and we have decided we are going down and around the whole coast, all the states with oceans. We are 4 or so more hours away from Oregon so we should get there about 5 or 6 in the morning. I know its a lot like Washington so it'll probably be foggy and glum in the morning. That might make for some pretty ocean views though.

This whole time Jameson and I have been talking about random things, listening to music, stopping to pee and get snacks from late night gas stations. thus far the most interesting thing to report is we pulled of to this cliff look out in the middle of no where and we watched the stars for a good 20 minutes. It was beautiful. Not just the stars but how vast and far they reached. we stood in silence. The whole time I wanted to reach out and grab one and put it in my pocket as a souvenir. Instead I found a shell that some how found its way up on the cliff. It's a pearl color so it kind of reflects the light and it has these three scratches along the top half of it.

I grabbed Jameson's hand at some point and pulled into him to keep warm. If we are being honest, I was also a bit scared of how strikingly dark it was but after I listened to the crashing waves below, smelt the salty sea, felt the faint mist of moist air against my face I knew that that's where I was at that moment. I need to be there, that's where I was meant to be right then. 

We haven't made any more stops since the cliff. We've been listening to an Indi playlist we found. All the songs sound happy with sad lyrics or just sad all together but it kind of fits with this late night driving and open road. Its peaceful. I can feel the weight lift off of me, just a small sliver but it's already working. 

I'm not tired at all though. I feel wide awake. There's not much talking going on, just music and the sound of my fingers on the keys as I type this. Jameson has been asking what I'm writing so I told him it's just a story. Which technically is true. This could just be a story about a random girl that no one knows, that doesn't exist. He'll never know. Which is good since i've put all my feelings about him down. I still don't know what's happing between him and I. All I know is I'm here with him now and we are going places together. 

Oh I forget to tell you this. I got a text right before we left...from Jay. the conversation went something like this...

Jay: "hey"

Me: "what?"

Jay: "How are you? I just wanted to see what's going on since it's been so long."

Me: "I'm fantastic! happiest I've ever been in my life actually!" Obviously a lie.

Jay: "Oh...That's good. I'm not so good. I've been thinking a lot about life and I keep thinking of you. I keep thinking how I hurt you and I just want to say I'm sorry. Do you...like hate me?"

So at this point I was already worked up because of the whole depression and what not, now this bitch is asking if I hate him after he broke my heart. I was pissed to say the lest.

Me: "Nooooo I definitely don't! Because me avoiding you and blocking you on everything which I still don't know how you're texting me but anyway, me being sad for two months straight doesn't say "I hate you" in big, bright, shimmering letters I don't know what else would sweetie."

Jay: "I thought so. You have a right to be. What I did wasn't the best..."

Me: "wasn't the best? Ha don't make me laugh. What you did. What you did was took every piece of me then once you got bored with them you left, that's it just left and threw the pieces in every direction. Later on finding out you stopped likeing me long before we broke up but stayed for the sex and then talking to one of friends all the time telling them "you're the only one I have. That listens to me" so fuck you Jay. I hate you for sure and right now I'm in a shit place. I'm about to stop all this pain, it'll be all over and I don't need your shit making me worse. So I hope you have a shit life and never find the kind of love I found. Goodbye."