Letters to My Ex

kameron

Dear Kameron,
They say that you only ever have 3 loves in your life. The first is young love.. the most adorable thing you'll ever see. Those loves aren't supposed to last that long. These come in at that middle/ early high school faze. Your second love is supposed to be you late high school/ early college faze. The relationship is whirlwind.. don't get me wrong.. yea you're gonna do a lot of shit that's going to hurt the person you love but it will be worth it.. it will teach you lessons that you never expected to learn. Your third and final love will be the one. The person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And for some crazy reason.. you're all of those for me.. yea we might be on a break.. for the crazy thing is... everyday i think about you. still. and even though technically i broke things off the first time... even after that.. i still loved you.. nothing or no one is ever going to stop me from loving you unconditionally...when i first met you.. we instantly hit it off... but i never knew you would be the man i would fall in love with.. it scares me how much i love you... it's hard picturing life without you in it.. but it's harder knowing that i can't have you. it tore me apart inside when you told me that you wanted to break things off because i have changed... yea.. maybe you're right.. i have changed.. but that doesn't change the fact that i'm still the girl that you fell in love 6 years ago. I had to live life without you and i thought it would be easy. i was wrong. oh so wrong. i don't know i broke up with you 4 years ago and i regret it every day of my life... after we ended, all i could think about was how i much i wanted you back. the time between us not being together... i got my heart broken back to back to back.. and all because i didn't have you.. i always wondered what would happen if we had never ended thing and just talked about them instead of moving on like we didn't love each other... but we didn't and you acted as if i didn't matter after that.. i tried to forget you.. but i couldn't.. i mean it was literally impossible.. how could i forget you kam? nobody compares to you.. no one. no matter what, i know i can go back to you and know that you'll be there for me and even though i act like an utter and complete bitch towards you, at the end of the day, you still love me. and i know i don't deserve you. i definitely don't because i've put you through so much. and a guy as amazing as you are doesn't deserve the way i treat you. i get so mad at the things you say sometimes because you're right. you know me so well and i get so angry that you do because it scares me. we always end up arguing because of me and my feelings and we shouldn't. i know that's something i need to work on. and i'm sorry.. that's really all i wanted to say: i'm sorry. i'm sorry for putting you through so much shit for the past 6 years i've known you.. i don't mean to hurt you but for some reason i always do. and that isn't fair to you at all. i just want you to know that i love you. with all my heart and that hopefully things work out between us one day. hopefully. they say forever doesn't last forever.. but you're the one person i want forever with..
love, d.