Yoongi Angst {BTS}

One Shot 1: Prompt B4

Prompt: "Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up..."

Ship: Yoonmin, hinted OT7

T/W: suicide thoughts, depression, anxiety attacks, mentions of abuse. DONT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED!

---

Yoongi's every breath came out frantic, his nails clawing at the side of his face and hair as he tried to find anyway to ground himself.

"It's the millionth time he's fucked up, he's holding us back!" He could practically hear Namjoon telling the others, he knew it's what he thought anyway. They all thought that.

Even him.

Yoongi couldn't fucking breath, every frantic attempt for air was replaced by a son in seconds.

Useless piece of shit! His stepfathers words worked their way into his head.

He clamped a hand over his mouth to avoid a cry to escape it. No one could know about this side of him, his weaknesses.

Stop fucking up!

The others would laugh, they'd tell him to stop being such a useless fuck and get over it already.

He shouldn't even fucking be here, he should be training! He should be trying to do something useful for once in his god damn life instead of putting himself in the bathroom, closed away from his boyfriends who were out watching a movie after a particularly stressful day.

Do the world a favour and fucking die already!

A sob slipped past his trembling fingers but he didn't hear it, his racing heart and the ringing in his ears covered the small sound easily. The worst part of that thought is that it wasn't the fist time he'd had it, it was reoccurring. He wanted to oh god how he wanted to just stop everything.

As Yoongi strained to take in a small breath, but failed miserably when a painful cough replaced it. His lungs continued to burn and he squeezed his eyes closed, everything was swaying and he couldn't focus anymore.

Sobs and coughs left his lips unnoticed to him as he tried to curl himself into the feral position to find some comfort and safety, however it did nothing. His entire body shook so harshly he had to grit his teeth to stop them from chattering, accidentally biting his check so hard a metallic taste filled his mouth and made him feel sick.

Yoongi's thoughts continued to drift further and further away from his failures and his boyfriends but to his stepfather and how he'd react if he'd make such mistakes back then.

He's head swam and he could almost smell the reek of alcohol that had once filled his family home. The yelling and shouting and tears and the blood and the beatings all swam through his mind and he wanted to scream and push it all away as it all became more and more vivid. His step father moving towards him with that sickening look on his face and oh god Yoongi could feel his stomach drop to his feet and-

Firm hands gripped his shoulders, hard and painful just as his stepfathers had been back then and Yoongi tried to scream, moving weakly as he tried to get it away.

"Hyung?" The voice was loud enough to be heard over his chaotic mind. The grip on his shoulders moved to the hands in his hair, softer but still firm. "Hyung, stop you're hurting yourself."

Yoongi wanted to scream at them to leave him alone, that he was fine and to stop looking at the mess he was but all that came out was a pathetic cry.