Yoongi Angst {BTS}

One Shot 2: Taste of burning liquor

T/W: death, suicide

Min Yoongi had only been drunk once in his life.

The first was after his mum had died at age seventeen. The guilt had eaten him away and after seeing his father drink away his sorrows, he decided to try drink away his own.

He'd stolen one of the many six packs of beer in the fridge and locked himself in the bathroom.

The taste of the bitter drink was enough to make him cough, pulling a face at the burning sensation. Why anyone would drink was beyond him.

Yoongi finished his first can when he understood. His brain felt heavier, and his thoughts were sluggish.

The rest of the night came in flashes.

He remembered being on his third drink when he broke down in hysterics. Sobbing in the bathtub loudly, body shaking violently.

It was the fifth can when thoughts of death became all too sweet.

Now, Min Yoongi was in no way suicidal.

Sober, that is.

But when the lightweight rapper got drunk, the small thoughts he'd normally bat away without second thought became all too real.

He could see his mum.

His dad made it clear he didn't want him here.

What was so good about life anyway?

No one would remember him in a few years.

The thought of death was so tempting.

Yoongi's memory got blurry again at this point. He finished off the six pack. Then there was hard plastic in his hand and sobs wracking his body.

The last thing he remembered before waking up the next morning with a splitting headache was the pills sliding down his throats and a craving for death.

That should have been the end of Min Yoongi.

But fate had other plans. After he'd passed out, his body had rejected the sudden intake of the foreign liquor. Forcing all stomach contents, including the deadly pills, out of his body the second the teen passed out.

Min Yoongi was a depressed drunk, and had sworn from getting properly drunk.

Until now.

--

Jin, in his borderline tipsy state, had been searching the dorms for ten minutes now.

Yoongi had gone missing from the others only five minutes before the older had begun looking for him and seemed to have vanished.

Now, normally, the rapper disappearing wouldn't have been such a big deal. But in every other celebration of a big award, Yoongi had always kept his alcohol intake to a minimum.

Yet tonight, he'd downed more than anyone before wondering off with a quarter full bottle of vodka.

It wasn't much, but his disappearance set an off feeling in Jin's stomach.

Loud laughter came from downstairs, a sound belonging obviously to one drunken Kim Taehyung.

A fond smile overtook the singer as he looked into the bedroom he shared with the missing idol, relief washing over him immediately when he spotted the Snow White hair on the balcony.

"You worried me." Jin said softly as he came up behind him. "Disappearing like that."

Yoongi said nothing but instead took a large gulp of vodka straight from the bottle.

Jin leaned against the railings to get a better look at the younger, shocked to see the glistening tracks on the stoic man's cheeks.

Had the tough as nails Min Yoongi been crying?

"Is something wrong?" Jin pressed softly, trying to repress the bubbly affects of the alcohol on his brain.

Another long sip of the burning drink was taken before Yoongi spoke. "I shouldn't be here."

It was so quiet that the pink haired man almost lost it in the wind. "Here?"

"Alive." He shrugged, voice still all so quiet. He studied what little remind in the bottle.

He said it so monotonously that it left Jin feeling as though he'd been dropped from a great height, stomach falling at the words.

"Of course you should be alive." He tried to reassure but cringed at how stupid he sounded. In all honesty , Jin was scrambling to find anything to say.

What the fuck were you supposed to say in a situation like this?

Was it the alcohol speaking?!

"No." The sort boy took the last sip, rendering the bottle empty. Feeling almost poetic when he thought of how it represented himself perfectly.

Empty.

"I should have died." He continued to slur when Jin failed to come up with a response. "I should have died right there in the, in the bathtub."

Jin's breath caught in his throat, feeling lost and being left to simply hear the boy voice his emotions. Something he'd never done before.

"I can't even fucking die right." Yoongi scoffed, laughing without humour. "And now I'm here at ssssquare fuckin' one again!"

He went silent for a while and Jin tried to piece together a sentence, but his brain wouldn't work. May it have been the liquor or shock, his mind just wouldn't.

"It'd be so easy, easy you k-know?" Yoongi continued to slur, holding out the bottle in front of him with his hand clasped around the neck as if he were toasting to something. "Yoou... you think it'd be so easy to just fall and..."

He released his hand on the bottle, both boys watching it fall and shatter on the concrete bellow. The sound of the shattering glass no less haunting than when Yoongi turned and met his eyes.

"Shatter." He whispered to his hyung.