A Beautiful Mess

i

Summary: Where, after Sasuke defected, Sakura decided to change and be stronger because damn it all, she's a kunoichi. She deserved better and if Sasuke couldn't see that, then it's his loss. AU. SasuSaku.

Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine.

I.

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy.

- Jason Mraz, A Beautiful Mess

Haruno Sakura bowed deeply in front of Senju Tsunade, the greatest medic-nin in the whole Elemental Nations and current Godaime Hokage of Konohagakure, uncaring of the whispers and judging stares from the people around them.

"Please train me, Tsunade-sama." Sakura pleaded fervently for the tenth time. "I needed to be better. Please."

"I already have an apprentice, girl." The blond kunoichi replied, gruff but not unkind. "It would be better if you apprentice yourself with other medic-nins. I told you I can't-"

"Please." She repeated, her voice a bit rough. Sakura determinedly ignored the lump on her throat. "I'll do anything Tsunade-sama. I- I don't want to get left behind again. I-"

"I already said I can't." Tsunade interrupted sharply, walking away without a second glance. "Excuse me, but I have other things that needed my attention." The kage shook her head in what seemed to be irritation. "Kami, I have no time for this."

Sakura fought the urge to cry and balled her hands into a fists. She- she couldn't give up now.

She'll do better next time.

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"Why do you want to apprentice yourself to shishou so much, Sakura-san?" Kato Shizune, Tsunade's apprentice, asked exasperatedly. "It's been months already. There are other medic-nins who would be happy to have you-"

"It's not enough." Sakura muttered, her green eyes flashing stubbornly. Camped outside the Hokage's office in the hopes of getting an audience from Tsunade-sama, she knew she looked pathetic. She started out last week and eventually got used to the looks of pity shot her way. If Sakura had to plea in dogeza for a month, she would do it - pride be damned.

"Kakashi can train you-"

"He can't."

"Why not?"

"Sensei's broken." Sakura smiled bitterly, remembering the way Kakashi-sensei looked almost fragile when she saw him once. "I couldn't do that to him."

Shizune sighed. "Even if shishou's going to accept you as her apprentice, you wouldn't learn as much since-"

"It's okay." Sakura focused her gaze forward. Her legs were going numb. "I'm used to being ignored. I can get by as long as I have only a portion of her attention."

There was silence for a moment before Shizune continued softly. "Why are you doing this?"

Sakura shot the older woman a wry look. "It's for myself. I have always been a burden - to Naruto, to Kakashi-sensei, to Sasu-" She faltered. "I don't have anything going on for me and even though I tried so hard to catch up, I- I'm still weak. A liability. I couldn't let this continue to the point that I would eventually get someone killed for my mistakes and flaws."

She brushed off a wayward tear that traitorously fell down her cheeks and just nodded when Shizune left after patting her shoulder gently.

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