depression

Fake it till you make it

I get that everyone wants you to be perfect your family, your friends, your partner.. so you put on this fake smile and fake happiness so everyone can be happy except you because you always put everyone before you because you don't believe you deserve the happiness everyone else gets you believe that you should be punished for being alive because you think you did something wrong in your past.. but you need to think hard and ask yourself did I really cause whatever is hurting me was it really my fault did I force them to do whatever they did to hurt me or themselves? If not then how is it really your fault it was there decision and no matter how bad you would want to change it you won't be able to because then it will keep hurting you still because you will guilt yourself and do something that makes you hurt worse and breakdown and cry or just feel plain empty.  And most of us that feel like this just want to be happy and normal we just want to be like every other teenager or kid or adult. We want to be beautiful, skinny, tall, and whenever somebody says we are one of those things we don't believe them because the only things we believe are the negative things we think that way because we think we deserve to only think that way but we still try to hide all of that in and make us look super happy and normal when we're not. We are slowly dying but there could be that one special good thing or person that can pull us out of that but when would that actually happen when would we get our fantasy, our love? Our happiness. When can we go back to being kids that did care how we looked dressed acted or talked we loved ourselves for who we are and that was final..❤️