"Same Time Last Year"
Freak,
March 17, 2015 | 1:28am
"Same time last year, everything was so different"
Same day. Same time.
It's funny how time changed everything.
But one thing's remain.
Its me. Still hanging on this day.
I still remember that moment.
The feelings in particular.
How you made me feel.
How you managed to break tiny pieces inside.
How you planted the ache that keeps growing for I don't know how long.
The way i wanted my ears to malfunction so that i can't hear those words that surely ends everything.
Nevertheless, I'm shattered.
Its been hard.
Harder than I ever imagined.
Everyday feels like hell.
That no seconds passed I can't feel that ache inside.
That every moment it crossed my mind, tears automatically rundown and smiles begun to fall down
Realizing its not supposed to curved up.
How I wished its all just my dream, or maybe a nightmare.
A nightmare that could kill me if I'm not able to wake up immediately.
How I wanted you to take everything back and tell me you're just kidding, but you didn't.
And yeah, the first three months was hell,
or may be four. No I mean, it's ten.
Yeah, the first ten months is sure as hell.
Those nights when no more goodnights, just me, crawling in bed.
Months of being alone, embracing the facts that you're not here, you were not gonna be here.
Months of drowning my self to John Vesely's songs.
Months of fighting with this anguish.
Its depressing on how I'm so stucked with the ghosts of what we used to be.
Am I at fault?
Yes. I'm still wondering, what have I done?
What I shouldn't have done?
Or maybe I'm just not good enough.
You said you were the worst,
that I should find better, that I deserve better.
But what if you were the best for me?
I think you were the best for me!
Okay, Sorry for not hitting what you really mean.
I'm not the best for you.
Its funny that it pained me to see both of you but at the same time, I feel just fine.
I envy her though.
I envy that she can make you feel contented.
I'm Jealous.
Jealous that I can't make you smile the way she does.
Im so jealous to that look I once rejected.
I regretted those times I get mad at you for staring at me. How i wish i didn't cause now, you can't even look at me.
It hurts to be a stranger.
Seriously.
I hate to admit it but sometimes,
I wish I was her.
But I wasn't. I can't be her.
I can't give everything that she can.
I can't make your heart beats fast the way she does.
And with that, I know you made the right decision.
No, not for not choosing me
But for you, choosing your happiness.
Time flies. So fast.
Have I moved on?
I dont know.But one thing's for sure,
Acceptance is on the way.
I can now let go of what ifs and what will be.
It's the 12th month. Yeah. Happy Death Anniversary, My heart.
Nyaw
March 17, 2016 | 1:28am
