A Breath Away

The Dance

He took my hand, his warmth electrified my fingers and his strong grasp encircled my waist. For a moment, everything was still. His eyes stared into my eyes and for a second, I felt like it would never end and that in his eyes I could see forever. Then the music started. Soft but strong, it began. Our bodies swayed in time with the rhythm. Each step deliberate but yet I could not make out one step ahead of another for my mind was in another world. Not in the world I began in or this other world I had somehow ended up in, but in another world, where it was only him and me. He twirled me, I spun into him. I looked up into his eyes and just stood there. I think at that moment, neither of us could move, it was like time stood still. Others kept dancing around us in a blur, but we just stood there. When the magic lifted, we quickly caught up with the dance, trying to not seem like fools. But aren't we all just fools in love? Is that what I am? In love?

The rest of the dance, I could not look into his eyes. I focused on the steps Emily had taught me and tried not to think of my heart beating out of my chest each time he spun me into him. I had never realized how exhilarating dancing could be. The modern pop songs and dancing I was used to had no feeling like this. This was meaningful. It gave time for thought, but yet kept you on your toes. I closed my eyes and let the music consume me. I could feel his nearness and I felt at peace. All was well at the moment. I hadn't felt this way in a long time. 

The music quickened and I looked up to see his eyes smiling at mine. My heart grew. It grew when he took my hand. It grew even more when he clasped it tight and the warmness of his fingers trickled into mine. It burst  when his strong arms pulled me in yet again. No matter how many times he pulled me in that night, I knew the butterflies would still come. 

The dance came to and end, and just as Emily had instructed earlier, I bent my knees underneath the masses I wore called a dress and gave a slight curtsy. He bowed in return and smiled back at me.

"Perfect" he mouthed to me just as he was taken away by another gentleman wanting to discuss business or politics. I just smiled back not sure what else to say as he taken out of sight. I moved slowly to the other side of the ballroom; music and laughter continuing onto the next song. It was so hard to get used to so much dancing. Everyone had come to dance and to enjoy each other's company--such a stark difference from the dances at home where dark light and music fill the air. Musky memories of lonely nights in the dance hall at home swept through my mind. But I pushed them away, I was living a different life now. I was in a whole different whole world now. I didn't have to be that girl anymore. 

What was I thinking? I was already imagining myself in this world. Not just temporarily, but permanently. I couldn't stay here forever! I had a life back home! Okay, maybe not a 'life' but at least people who cared about me and duties I had to fulfill. I couldn't just abandon that could I? I had already lost so much time and Gram would be so worried. I hope she was alright back there in that huge house all alone. The anxiety of my situation again overwhelmed me and I had to grab onto the mantle near to me to catch my balance as things started to go fuzzy. Overwhelming worry and fear sunk into me that I had never felt before. What if I never could get back? What if I was here forever. The world around me started to fade and darkness started closing in on my vision. I looked up to the chandeliers to regain some light and as I did I saw him on the other side of the room. As our eyes met, I forced my gaze to hold. My every fiber fighting for consciousness as the darkness that had once threatened my sanity eased away. His eyes were constant, firm, steady, and soft. They were kind. They were gentle. They were liberating. My breathing slowed and I regained my balance. 

Suddenly aware I was still staring I smiled awkwardly and looked away. I needed some air. I walked toward the double french doors leading to the veranda over looking the gardens. Every time I stepped out onto this scene, my breath was taken away and I couldn't help but never leave this place.

There I went again, wanting something I could never have. Wanting something I shouldn't want. Footsteps behind me sounded as I turned to see who had broken the magical silence of the night. 

A warm familiar voice sounded. It was Emily. She came to my side and the proper-small talk started. Like my usual self I disregarded the rules of etiquette with Emily and addressed her as a friend from back home. As always it took her by surprise but I guess she was somewhat used to it by now because she did not correct me.