secret love

Rebecca

” He just ran out " I was talking to my friend Carly.

" are you freaking serious? " she yelled.

" Yes " you would think I'd be sad and crying but no I'm just really pissed.  how can he do this to me? I'm pregnant with his kid. He's going to be a really shitty father.

" I'm sorry girl. I'm going to kill him " Knowing Carly she will too.

" Normally I'd say go for it but he's the father of my child and I don't want my child to grow up without a father " I said. I knew how it felt to grow up without a father. My father got my mom pregnant and then he left. she never heard from him again or saw him it's like he disappeared off the face of the earth. My moms done pretty well for me though.

" Your Right I'm just so mad that he did this to my girl " she said.

" I think he was just scared and didn't know what to do " I said.

" I still think it's pretty funny that he passed out " she laughed.

" Yeah it was pretty funny but not at the moment but now that I think back it was pretty funny " I also laughed.

" Well just remember I'm always going to be here for you " she said.

" I know Carly thank you " I said.

" Anytime chika " we ended the conversation. I tried to call Tyler but he didn't answer. What am I going to do? I'm a smart girl I'll figure it out. I swear if he's with that bitch Zoe I'm going to flip shit on his sorry ass. She's had it out for me since day one. She really started to hate me more when I started dating Tyler. He is mine and she needs to deal with it. Stupid girl. I texted Tyler.

" u better not be with Zoe " I said.

" fuck you I can be with who ever I want to be with " he said. My heart broke. I cried and cried. Why was he pushing me away. I need him. My baby needs him. This is not the time for him to be acting like a child!! Shit. I didn't respond. If I did it wouldn't be nice and I don't feel like fighting with him.  I was so upset so I grabbed a knife and slit my wrists. Not deep but just enough to get blood. It ran down my arm and to the tips of my fingers and on to the floor. It didn't hurt. I did it again. Before I knew it I had like 20 cuts. So much blood. I just stood there, looking at myself in the mirror. I watched the blood. What am I turning into? I was perfect. Everything in my life was perfect until I met Tyler. He messed up my life but he also made it better. He made me feel like a real person. I'm not just some girl to him. I'm a woman. Now I'm pregnant. I can't even tell if he is going to be a good father or not. I hope he is. Oh god my stomach hurt. I threw up. I noticed the dried blood on my arms and hands. I jumped in the shower and washed my arms and I felt dirty because I threw up. When I got out of the shower I looked at my naked body and saw imperfection. All the cuts. The emotional scars and pain. The hurt. I couldn't look anymore. I hated what I've become. I put on a long sleeve hoodie and some band aids. Hopefully they will heal soon. I still feel no pain. In fact I feel nothing. I'm empty inside. Just empty.