Poems

Please read till the end(i ramble about some serious stuff)

(Before you read, just know that there could be some grammar/spelling mistakes , I honestly don't know. I reread it to check and found somethings but if I missed something oops...)

(Also, I talk about anxiety and mental issues and all that whatnot so if that kind of stuff isn't really your thing then I suggest reading something else. I mean, I end on a fairly positive note but, ya know...still)
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I'm just gonna rant for a second. It'll be quick, I swear. I won't let out everything. But just enough to calm myself and maybe feel better. That's the thing though. I won't feel any better, I mean sure, you'll know how I'm feeling at the moment but it doesn't solve anything. I've been waiting so long to be happy and content and I'm just tired of waiting. I'm tired of waiting for someone to hug me and tell me "it'll be alright".
I have friends. I do. But they aren't always around. They can't always be there with me when I'm getting dizzy from how much my head spins.
And oh my goodness when I get alone-
Let me just say, nothing good every really happens.
I mean, let's be honest, I'm introverted so I like my peace and quiet. But sometimes I just have energy for one friend and when no one is even there that's when the bad things happen.
I think.
That's it. I just think.
Now that doesn't sound too bad, right? But trust me.
Anyone as dead as I am( I see you out there ) understands what it's like to think.
And you don't just think either.
You OVERthink.
And then boy, aren't we in for a ride?
It literally feels like an emotional roller coaster.
You get caught up in your own thoughts.
They take you down this spiral that you didn't even know existed.
You think things to freak yourself out.
The scenarios that you make up in your head, they're wild, I already know.
Like you knOw this can't happen
but like, at the same time...
It totally could.
When it comes down to how you think of the world, ANYTHING could happen.
And it's never anything good, either.
I know that because I've been there.
I've thought of loads of horrors and actions that could happen to me and I alway try to where running shoes when I go out.
Ya know...just in case.
Like honestly, Hollywood ain't got shit on me.
Oh the horror movies I could make...
It's funny though.
This all happens because I'm simply alone.
Because my mind has the amazing yet simple ability of just thinking.
I just sit there and think.
I also notice that I never think good thoughts either. I'm always thinking about something bad. Something to upset myself. Something to make myself cry because of how much I hate myself.
It's weird though cause I'm not alone here. I know that other people are going through the same thing that I am right now.
And let me just say.
If you're reading this,
Congrats, beautiful, because holy shit you made it this far, promise me that you'll keep going.
Think of this moment as like a checkpoint in your life, ya know? 
Like a little pit stop where you just kinda get a refill and just relax.
Recharge a bit after a long day.
Hell, after a long life.
Where you get to finally think good thoughts.
It doesn't matter what they're about, just as long as they don't make you sad, you're doing it right.
And if you can't, just know that nothing lasts forever, alright? Your sadness and pain won't last forever. It'll eventually stop. Perhaps at your next checkpoint.