delicate | jjk

one.

one, two, three, four.

i mentally count the steps as my body moves left, right, forwards and backwards. i don't even take the time to breathe, everything needs to be on point for the show later in the evening.

call me a perfectionist, call me obsessive even. but that was what had always been pushed into my brain and everything i had ever known.

being a kpop star isn't all glam, spotlights and fancy cars. there's a lot of hard work going on behind the scenes, especially if you want to make it solo.

"from the top!" i ask my dancers, making them instantly go back to their initial positions. we do the choreography all over again once more, finishing it with a thump of my foot and my hand in the air.

i breathe heavily and grab a water bottle, dismissing the dancers for now, wanting them to get some rest before the show. granted, we still hadn't done a dress rehearsal, which would be later. i sit down at the center of the arena, staring right at the bottom of it.

"erin!" i heard my assistant, aeja, call from a distance. i instantly look up at her, already anticipating something bad to come from this. "hey, chill, i just wanted to check up on you."

i let out a breath i didn't know i had been holding. "i'm fine aeja."

"you don't look fine," she took a seat next to me, pulling out a bag of jellybeans and handing those to me. i give her a thankful look as i take them.

"it's just, all this stress you know? all the pressure. i think it's finally catching up to me," i confess.

"i think you're doing great," she wrapped her arm around me. besides being my personal assistant, she also happened to be my best friend. "and don't take my word for it, take the sold out arena in front of you as proof of how much everyone loves you."

love. what a foreign word. i know there's people out there who look up to me. who expect everything i do to be an example of perfection. and that's what they deserve. someone who can do that for them. but not someone like me.

"thank you," i nudge her with my elbow as i eat some of the jellybeans she offered me. "everything's just pretty crazy right now."

"i know, i mean it's barely been two years since you started, and look where you are now," she shook her head, squeezing me one more time before standing up.

"but i'm not paid to feed your ego. i'm paid to get you moving. so it's time to go backstage and get a much needed nap because in an hour you have hair and makeup, outfit fittings, dress rehearsals--"

she kept going on and on about all the things i would have to do. i simply sighed and stood up, nodding at every word she said as i accompanied her backstage.

i walked further back until i reached my trailer. aeja excused herself, she had to do some 'management things' that i wouldn't understand. as i pushed the door open, i noticed someone sitting at the chair. kim geonsik.

"took you long enough," he snickered as i closed the door behind me.

"what are you doing here? you know you can't risk this getting out," i whisper yelled at him.

"no, baby, you can't risk this getting out," he stood up and walked towards me, his hand resting beneath my chin. "no one can know you screwed your way to the top, can they?"

i gulped. as a young female wanting to make it on her own, i had made quite a few stupid decisions when i was younger and gotten into things i now couldn't get out of. geonsik was my manager, a thirty year old successful guy who had inherited his parents' money and probably their arrogance too. people like him thought they owned the world.

maybe not, but he owns you.

i turned my head away from him. "not today, please. i need to rest."

"you know i can end your contract any minute, right?" he lifted his eyebrow. he's so disgusting.

i took a deep breath. one more time wouldn't kill me. and to think i had been in love with him before.

i walked towards my bag and grabbed a couple of pills from inside. something that could make me forget the mistake i was about to make. i downed two with some water, turning to him.

and the rest, i'd rather forget about.

***

author's note:

yes, i've decided to republish this fanfic, altering a few details to make it somewhat more realistic (at least to me). i'll be updating this slowly, as i have a few chapters stored but i also will try to finish motel before i try writing new ones.

i hope you enjoy it! and please, vote, comment and add to your reading lists if you'd like more chapters!