I want to be yours (✔)

11. His Thoughts

Arham's pov:

She is getting married. I knew it will happen someday and I was preparing myself for it but still the pain I feel has not lessened. I don't blame her and hate her. I am married and I should not be bothered about other woman even though I loved her but It's wrong now. I should be happy for her. I am happy because she is happy but I can't stop loving her. I missed her like hell these two years. I know nothing about her whereabouts. I was so worried. Now she is infront of me and I want it to stay this way. Even with Ahaan I don't care but I want her to get all the happiness in the world. I just want to see her smiling face no matter who is the reason.

I don't know from when I started loving her. It's not love at first sight. When I met her I was so lost and I had no hope. I was surprised with the way she treated me. No one ever gave me the attention she was showing on me but I was scared, I didn't want to get attached to anyone. I had very low confidence. My father was not ready to accept me. I didn't know where my mom is. Jiya ma accepted me. She took care of me as I was her son. I love her the most. Now as well Aarzoo also comes after her. I am very thankful to her because of her who I am today. what ever I achieved is because of her. I am with my father and Lina ma. I have a lovely brother and I have a family to call of my own. All thanks to her.

I heard many times Jiya ma and Maan papa saying Aarzoo to call me brother but she was so adamant. I was kind of attracted to her as she was persistent and I love the attention she gives me and the way she makes me feel special but I was not able reciprocate her feelings i felt that this is wrong. Everyone see me as her brother then how can I have such irrational thoughts. I think of Ruhaan as my brother and I love him as much as I love Shahyan. I love Yarah as my sister but I can't love Aarzoo in such way. I love her but as a man not as a brother. I can accept it now but It's too late.

I always ran away from her untill I was 6 years old but on her 5th birthday Papa's friend's son came to stay with us as his parents were moving to Sweden but they wanted him to stay here for a while until they settle there. He was instantly attracted to Aarzoo. That was Ahaan. He was being too friendly with her and I didn't like it. That day first time I talked to her but she suddenly hugged me and I got startled and felt very strange so i pushed her as an instinct and she fell down. I didn't mean to do that. Suddenly everyone came there and I left from there.

From that day I was scared accidentally I might hurt her so I stayed away from her. Ahaan was always with her. How I wished I was the one who was with her?

When I was 9 years old first time I got to hold her small hand. She was being so careless while crossing road that she was about to hit by car so as an instinct I got hold of her hand and pushed her away from car but I got very mad that her attention was on Ahaan who was standing on other side of road.

I don't know what is right or What is wrong. Hearing everyone say that I am her brother. I felt that it was wrong to have feelings. What to do of my heart which is having feelings for her? But I listened to my mind and thought loving her is wrong so I stayed away and with time Ahaan became her best friend. When he was 10 years old his parents came to take him but he refused to go. He wanted to stay here but they forcefully took him with them. You can say I was little relived but it didn't last long because after three years his whole family shifted to Mumbai.

Now he is in same class as Ruhaan and Aarzoo and he became close to Ruhaan. From then all the problem started. He keeps talking about how much he love Aarzoo and he will make her his. I felt jealous and I hated that feeling. I had no one to share my feelings with. I had no one to talk about my confusion so I started writing dairy. Before I use to make cards to give them to Aarzoo but now I started writing my feelings down. It felt better. I bought gifts for her on every birthday but never had courage to give her.