I want to be yours (✔)

40. Ruhaan

Ruhaan's pov:

Two years..It's been two years since I last heard from Zara. Every second of my life is torture for me. If it was not sin to kill yourself then I would have given up my life long time back.

It was not the first time I am staying away from Zara. I was away from her before as well but that time I felt like she is happily married to Arham and I was happy thinking that she is happy.

But this time I broke her heart. I gave her pain. I snatched her dreams and left her heart broken.

Everyday second this guilt kill me from inside. I was not a good husband, good son or good brother. I felt my parents when they needed me. I was not there for my sister when she was in trouble. A person who can break innocent heart of Zara can never be good human. I am nothing but living corpse waiting for his time on earth to finish. I have no one to lean on to share my pain. I distanced everyone from me who cared for me.

Adira has made my life hell. I have not seen more selfish woman than her. Even though she knows I am miserable with her she is not ready to let go. I hoped that with time she will realize that she can never be happy with me and I can't give my heart ever. Zara will be the only one to be in my heart but no, she doesn't care.

She once told me that 'I know you are miserable with me and I am not happy either but Ruhaan let me tell you, you are stuck with me forever. It will be better if you accept the situation sooner than later. If you want to be happy then you should learn to love me. I don't care if it takes a year, two years, five years,ten years or a life time you are stuck with me. If I can't get my love then I will make sure you will never get yours. Why should I will be the one to be miserable for loving you? You should also get punished for not loving me and that Zara also for being obstacle in path of my love, my happiness. So don't even think that I will ever let you go Ruhaan. If you have any hopes then I will tell you lose them because You are only mine for this life time.'

I planned to leave her once. I tied her and then I made her consicious. I was almost escaped but some one caught me. I didn't see the face but it was he. I lost conscious when I woke up I was in Adira's house. I tired once again but someone caught me again. I don't understand who is helping her. Who have grudges on me? When I tired third time she got fed up with me and You know what she did to punish me for running away...She caused Zara's accident. Zara almost died because of me. Adira is a psycho. She can go to any extent to keep me with her. But the one who is helping her is more dangerous. I have find out who is he? But it's very hard to find him. I have done everything from my side but I got no information on him and it's really hard to investigate when Adira is always with me like shadow. She don't leave me at night. She sleeps in the same room as me but I sleep on Diwan and she on bed.

I used to get the nightmares of the day  I got kidnapped but now I get nightmares of the day I left Zara. Her heart broken look haunts me. I have not slept peacefully for a second since the day I got married to Adira. It's a nightmare which is not coming to end.

I tried my best to avoid the marriage. To talk with Zara but Adira didn't leave me for a second. She took my phone. She didn't even let me to approach anyone. Arham, Aarzoo were so angry with me. My sister left this world with hatred for me in her heart. There can't be more bigger failure for a brother. I lost so much in this two years. I lost myself in this teo years. I have not felt any emotion except for pain, guilt and disgust in this two years. I pray everyday for a miracle which will away my pain..

I got startled with the touch on my cheek. I came out of my thoughts and opened my eyes to see Adira looking at me with anger filled eyes touching my cheek.

She said,"You were again thinking about her. It's been two years Ruhaan..two years..still you act the same. People say even if you stay with a dog for few days you will get attached to it. We are staying together from two years but I never saw anything but anger and disgust for me in your eyes.

You don't even talk with me except for single words. Why so much hatred Ruhaan? Can't you see how much I love you? To what extents I have gone to be with you. What did Zara do for you? Except for giving up, hating you. Did she ever tried to understand you? She has known you for almost 20 years still she didn't understand your nature. She thinks you can betray her. She don't trust you. Why you love such person?

Talk to me. Atleast defend her like you used to. Say something Ruhaan. I can't bear your silence."

I said,"I am tired."

With this I closed my eyes ignoring her words.

This is not new to me. She always does this. At start I use to defend Zara but that only Angered her more. She started threatening to harm her if I talk good about Zara infront of her. Anyway it was of no use to explain anything to her. She will never understand the bond me and Zara has. She doesn't have a heart to.

I love you Zara. I love you so much. I miss you..I miss Ruhaani. I accepted Ruhaani as my daughter from heart. Even though I didn't spent much time with her. I had a strong bond with her. I love both of them with bottom of my heart. I wish to see them again if possible even though from afar just once..

Hope you are enjoying :)