C Squad : A Story Untold

5

Naging sunod-sunod ang di pagkaka-intindihan sa C Squad. Nagkaroon inequality. Nagkaroon ng pagbago.

I on my side hated that change. Niel's getting farther than me when him and Ashley are together.
Donver is tired of understanding everything that's happening.
Diel's ignoring me and talks about things that are not true.

They created a group chat where in the name of the group is " Anyare kay Ian?". I knew this when we made an open forum. It was devastating. It was heart breaking. I never expected that they'll do those things; talking behind my back about my bad personality. They just don't know the real reason.

Reachelle, my girl bestfriend is starting to hate me. She confronted me of the changes in me.

She told me that they've talk about me, I'm an attention seeker they said. I respect their point of view. But it's not like it's true. I'm not seeking for attention, I'm seeking for help. None of them can understand how I feel and what I feel. Nakikita lang nila na 'mali ka' so you need to do 'ganito' 'ganyan'.
Ilang beses na akong nasabihan ng ganyan. I adjusted how many times for their favor and desire. Just to make them comfortable. Despite of the mere fact na it's against my will, wala na akong magagawa dahil para sa kanila ay gagawin ko nalang.

Ramdam ko, ramdam ko ang pagbabago sa pagkatao ko. Yet, I'm trying my best to change for the better.

Keala was also there for me kasi she understands what I feel. I was very cold in treating her, yes I was. But still she was there listening to me.

After a week ng pagiging cold ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko ay umiba ang ihip ng hangin.

It was our 2nd awarding ceremony of those na nasama sa Honor Students. I was one of them and kasama rin ang iba sa C Squad. Tapos na ang awarding that time at kukunin na namin ang report cards.

Hindi ako sumasama sa C Squad sa mga oras na 'yon. Dahil plano ko at plano namin ni Leoren na umalis sa pagsasamahan namin. Leoren understands my side. She was there in the darkest part of my life that no other people dared to enter.

Nagkayayaang magpa picture. Together with them we were taken a photo. It was awkward, it surely was.

Then pumunta na kami sa building. Dahil wala pa ang teacher na mag di-distribute ng report cards ay umupo kami sa labas ng building. I was sitting beside them, they were talking.

Niel was beside me pero hindi kami nag-uusap. Suddenly I felt a longing effect sa pagkakalayo sa mga taong importante sa buhay ko.

Tumayo si Niel at napatingin ako sa kanya at ganon din siya sakin. He smiled at me. Hinawakan ko siya sa braso at hinila palapit sakin. I rested my forehead on his arms. It may sound gay but I don't know why I did it.

Tears fell down through my cheeks.

"Sorry, sorry.. sorry"  I said under my tear.

They were around me when I was crying. I was crying because of sadness, pain and guilt. 

Things went back to normal. C Squad was completed again.

But the pain didn't end there.

I got depression. Nagkaroon ako ng depresyon dahil sa school, sa sarili ko at sa kanila. It was very painful.

Kinakausap nila ako, sumasagot naman ako pero parang walang ka emo-emosyon.

Few of them know my case, few of them understand me and few was there for me.

As tears fall from my emotional eyes. I stared at the knotted rope na natali sa railings ng terrace namin. Mag terrace kasi sa loob ng bahay namin na kita ang living room.

I walked towards it and let it hug my entire neck. I wiped the tears flowing down my cheeks and heaved a heavy sigh.

I smiled looking at our picture on my phone. How lucky I was to meet them. How awful it was that the universe destroyed us.

Linagay ko ang phone ko sa bulsa ko at napatingin sa taas to prevent my tears from falling.

I stared at the shinny tiles of the house. This might be the awesome end of a terrible life.

Without hesitation, I jumped and the rope tightened its hug on my neck.

From there it ended.