Anna
We got in late after the party, but I still woke up early. Partly due to jet lag, also because of last night's events which were still playing in my head.
Seeing him with his ex-girlfriend was unexpected and something I was unprepared for. Didn't that only happen in movies? But there she was and there we were, cozy little threesome getting to know each other. It took all those soft-skills training to keep my insecurities in check and put on a smiling face for her.
As bad as I felt, I knew she had nothing to do with it. Truth is Natalia hasn't done me harm in anyway, and if any, I was the giant barrier in her love story with Marco. And I guess, that is what has been bothering since last night.
My story with Marco - was this the great, epic love story everyone wanted? Or is this a subplot to his and Natalia's?
Watching him last night, I knew he was careful with his interactions with her. He made sure to focus on me, but was polite enough to her. Whenever they would find themselves in a group conversation, I could tell that there was a good rapport going with them even though they had been separated for awhile now. Their similarities were also difficult to miss.
Add to that, Mrs. Landers told me about the job offer for Marco. I didn't understand a lot of it but knew that Marco had proposed it quite awhile back, it was a project ahead of its time and now management was willing to invest to get it done.
Marco's dream project.
Based in Belgium.
I contemplated staying in a separate room for the rest of our stay here, but decided against it. If I had limited time left with Marco, why would I want to spend any second away?
*
I moved to his room and then we decided to have lunch inside since he woke up late. We were both quiet, not knowing how to start the conversation. Eventually, he broke the impasse.
"Are you mad at me?"
"No. Mad is not the correct term. I think... I'm... I'm confused."
"I'm sorry, Natalia is part of my past. There's nothing more to it."
I cringed, not at his answer but with what I was going to ask next. I hated feeling weak or insecure, but I needed to ask because this would only eat me if I didn't. "I know it hasn't always been easy with us, but... has there been a time when you thought... sana you married her nalang?"
He frowned, thinking about it. I was thankful he didn't make fun of my query. "Hmm... no. Kasi Natalia doesn't have your background, she wouldn't have a family business to worry about enough so that she would consider having to marry someone to save it."
"No, not that!"
"Huh? Eh ano?"
I hoped I didn't have to blurt out what I really wanted to ask but here I was. "I wondered if you ever thought na sana you were married to her, instead of me, regardless of the circumstances."
"I don't get it. Eh if not for your circumstances, I probably won't be married."
"Really, Marco? You never saw yourself marrying?"
He shook his head. "Hindi eh. I enjoyed my life here, exactly the way it was. Funny that I thrive in a world that has constant change around it, but I am so stubborn that I never changed my status because that would be a huge shake up to my life, which I liked as it is."
Interesting. I never saw it that way. Marco didn't like change, so it wasn't so much the commitment he was against. It was the change. "But then, why did you agree to marry me?"
"Because another thing I've always done is help out, especially people close to me. And in this case, Philip asked for you. So..." he paused. "Besides, I got something financially. That was also not new. I've always tried to be smart with my investments. This was a smart financial move."
I knew this. He had always said this, but why did it hurt. Okay, move on. Move one.
"Bakit? Ikaw? You didn't want to marry also, right? But you did this."
"Eh kasi nga ipit ako. You know naman why."
He looked pensive. "That's true. I know why you married this time. I don't really know why you never wanted to marry."
"Because I'm weird."
"Anna -"
"No, wait. Hear me out. Hindi ito self-pity moment," I said. When he fell silent, I continued, "I'm at that stage in my life where I've figured out what I am and what I'm not, what I can still change, what I have to accept that ganyan na yan. Overall, I know that I'm average. Average looks, talent... but I know that I speak well and I'm very practical. I can carry a tune, but I probably won't be winning singing contests on television. Yung hips ko, wala na akong magagawa diyan, but I can improve on the way I dress. Yung ganyan na things."
I could tell that at this point I had confused him.
"In knowing myself, I also found out that there are a lot of things about me that people may find weird. I'm painfully shy in social occasions. I also like my space because I work best away from people for a little while. I've found that not a lot of guys I meet will understand that and as the years went on, I found it more stressful to feel like I have to change just to be accepted by someone enough to even be considered wife material. Besides, all that trying to change just brings out the worst in me and at some point I decided, never mind."
"Maybe you just haven't met enough guys," Marco said.
"Maybe. But yun nga eh, I hate meeting new people. I don't trust just anyone. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't had a new friend in the past year you've known me."
"Well, for what it's worth, I like your weirdness."
Bittersweet. I find someone who can accept that, but I can't keep him. Not knowing what to say about that, I introduced a new topic, the more important one. "Marco, were you going to tell me about your job offer here?"
He looked genuinely surprised. "Who told you?"
"Mrs. Landers slipped. Have you decided? Is that why we're here?"
"No," he shook his head. "It's really because of the awards. But, there are a couple of meetings that I'm attending to check if I'd be interested to come back."
"I see."
"Anna, if ever... If I ever accept this, would... would you consider moving here with me?"
Hope surged. But.... "I can't leave the business. When you leave us, it would be more important that I stay and keep things running. Besides, I made my decision on that long ago when I was offered by my previous company to work here. I chose family."
He looked worried but said nothing.
"Don't worry about it. I understand that it's not a choice everyone will make or can make."
I wanted to walk around after lunch and he joined me. We had no destination in mind. We just walked, barely speaking, taking in the sights, holding onto each other. Somehow, I think we both knew what his decision would be.
When we were exhausted, we headed back to the hotel to rest.
We lay in bed, and prepared to sleep, him cradling me and kissing my head, "Marco?"
"Yeah?"
"However long we have left, can we promise to make it great before we say goodbye?"
