Beautifully Broken (in editing)

Beautifully Broken

The smell of blood surrounded my young body, thick and smothering. I whimpered. Something was wrong, very wrong, even a five year could tell.

And this five year old's terror eclipsed every other sensation in my body.

They'd been fighting again, but the screaming had stopped a long time ago, and the rain pounded against the metal roof of our run-down old colonial style house, peircing the silence. I was so young, there was no way I could understand what was happening, but I knew it was bad. I could feel it in the air. Something was broken, and nothing would ever be right again.

I could see her legs, splayed out across the floor and twisted sickeningly. My entire body was shaking uncontrollably behind the ratty old couch. She'd always told me to hide when Daddy started yelling, so I did. 

I could still hear her bloodcurdling screams ringing in my ears. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I flinched as he stomped loudy upstairs. The sound of thing being thrown and shattered drifted down the stair case and froze me with fear.

What if he remembered I was here? What if he came and hit me again? 

I didn't know what to do. Daddy said he only hit me because I was bad, but I was always bad. I didn't want him to hurt me again, like he did Mommy. 

I never understood why. Mommy was never bad, not like me. Mommy was kind and beautiful when she didn't have the bruises he made. She had long, straight black hair, like me, and warm brown eyes. She was always so nice and kissed my booboos when I fell. To me, she was a princess, trapped in a castle with an evil monster.

Mommy always said that all Mommies and Daddies fight when they don't love eachother anymore, that everything thing was normal. I know now that it wasn't. 

At first, I thought she was asleep. Why would she sleep on the floor? Mommies didn't do that. It was strange and for some reason, it made me tremble even harder. The fear was absolutely paralyzing, my blue eyes frozen wide and my heart hammering hard in my chest. 

Her breathing was heavy and wet sounding, each inhale a gurgle and each exhale a weeze. Her rattling breaths were getting slower and slower until finally, they just stopped. The silence was even scarier than her broken sounding breathing.

"Mommy?" I whispered, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end. I wanted to be as quiet as possible as not to alert him. She didn't answer me, the only noises were my heart slamming against my ribcage and the pouring rain outside. 

My knees shook as I crawled cautiously towards the edge of my hiding place. My favorite white nightie was sticking to my back, damp with sweat and my palms were cold but clammy. I pushed my tangle of hair away from my face and sniffled. 

"Mommy? Mommy, It's not good to sleep on the floor." I spoke a little louder this time, hiccuping around my throat full of tears. Her face was blocked by shadows by I could see her almost fully. He white t-shirt was dotted with red, and a pool of sticky crimson liquid was blossoming around her head like a dark halo. 

It was blood. 

My heart contracted and for a second, I thought I was the one bleeding. Mommy was hurt. I knew I should stay hidden until Daddy fell asleep, but my body moved on it's own and I wasn't in control anymore. My hands and knees numbly pulled the rest of me forward, stopping beside her head. 

I couldn't help my sharp intake of breath. Her whole face was swollen and bruised. She didn't even look like herself anymore. A harsh sob tore out of my throat as I gathered her head up into my lap, cradling it.

"Come on Mommy, wake up." I shook her a little bit. My white nightie was now stained red with her blood and I was sobbing loudly, my chest heaving. 

"Mommy, please wake up. You can't sleep here. Please, Mommy." I begged, my voice sounding high and crackling. I rocked back and forth. She had to wake up. She had too. 

"Mommy! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm so bad, and I'm sorry Daddy hits you because of me, and I'm sorry!" I wailed. My chest was aching and I knew then that she wasn't waking up. The realization hit me like a steam roller and I screamed the loudest scream of my short life.

"No! Mommy!" I screamed again, sobs wracking my body. They say immediately after a huge loss, most people are in shock. That wasn't true for me though. I felt all the pain at once. My vision dimmed around the edges and my head pounded with the huge grief that my little heart just couldn't hold by itself.

I didn't care now. I didn't care if he heard me and came and got me. He could kill me too. I could go with Mommy and I would never get hit again. I sat there, screaming and sobbing until my voice gave out. 

Nothing would ever be right again.

All of a sudden, a deafening bang silenced me instantly. It came from upstairs and was loud enough to shake the whole house.

No. 

Oh no.

Something else, something else bad had happened. My heart flew to my toes and I couldn't breathe properly. I stood slowly, lowering my mother's head carefully to the ground and walked in slow motion to the staircase. My legs felt like jello and were streaked with drying blood. 

I couldn't take anymore, I was sure of it. I could feel my body going numb from head to toe as I shakily climbed the stairs, stumbling again and again. The wood creaked and I noticed vaguely that the rain had stopped.

Everything looked like a movie, or a dream. Like I was there, but not really. I was watching myself from the outside, my soul floating above my body, barely tethered together by conciousness. I pushed open the door to my parents bedroom and saw it all.

He was lying on the ground. With half of his face still there. The other half was a mess of flesh and blood and in his hand was a shiny metal object I'd never seen before. He gripped it loosly, and I knew he too, was as gone as Mommy, If not further. 

Everything was gone. I puked, my body shuddering with the gags of an empty stomach. I wretched and wretched until something finally came up and then stumbled sickeningly away from the room and down the stairs, My brain feeling fuzzy and my stomach whirling. 

Nothing would ever be right again.

I opened the front door and stepped outside into the humid summer air, my bare feet smacking softly against the wet ground. 

Nothing.

I stumbled out into the road. I was cold, but the night was warm. I stumbled a little more. This was it. I was right. I couldn't take it.

I fell, crawling to our neighbors yard, Mrs. Sven, hyperventalating. All I could see was blood and Mommy and Daddy and it was spinning and the earth was rotating to fast and my vision dimmed. I passed out, A small child, covered in blood, sweat, and tears, in the front yard of an old woman.

Nothing would ever be right again.