Madness

This chapter contains information about what happened to the characters after my story, 'Energy', finished. For those who haven't read it, I'd recommend you do so, otherwise you probably won't understand what's going on. If you have, then what follows is what happened in the days following the Master's death.

Buffy

I helped clear up the mess that we'd made stopping the Hellmouth from opening. Of course I had. But is it my fault that I didn't want to speak to anyone? After the adrenaline rush had ended, it sunk in that I'd died. That (surprisingly enough) isn't something that someone easily recovers from. I needed some time to think about it.

Fortunately, no one seemed inclined to talk to me. They were too busy talking amongst themselves - I saw Willow and Giles have an conversation, with occasional words from Ms. Calendar (how did she get to be involved with this? being thrown in, none of them doing anything about the pile of books at their feet. I saw Xander turn up, and Cordelia, of all people, was engaging him in a conversation, no doubt wanting to know everything about the demonic world. Angel, I suppose, had gone back home to brood. Theo was the only one by himself, industriously stacking sweeping glass from the broken roof. As I watch him, an idea pops into my head.

As soon as it had done so, he looked over at me, smiling faintly. I beckon him over, and, despite the eyebrow raised in curiosity, he ambles towards me. The faint crunch of glass beneath his feet sets my teeth on edge.

"You've got memories, from previous lives, right?" I ask without preamble. He looks slightly surprised that I'm asking about that, but nevertheless nods, "So, you have to remember them... yourself... whatever, dying?" I continue, following my idea. The suddenly haunted expression in his eyes tells me that I'm right.

"Buffy, let me walk you home, let's talk about it on the way." anf before I can say either yea or nay, he calls out "Buffy and I are going home now, see you tomorrow!" No one pays the slightest bit of notice, and so, without waiting to see if I'll follow, he strolls towards the exit. I caught up to him outside.

"Yes, I remember them. But that's not really what you want to know, is it?" he asks. I thought for a moment, as I tried to put exactly what I was thinking into words. "No. It's not. Not really. What I wanted to know is, what is it happens again? What if, next time, it's final? What if I can't stop the next Big Bad?" So there it is. I'm not scared of dying, exactly, I'm scared of failing. I guess I'd realised that after Amy's mom had put a spell on me, making me suicidal. I'd been so tempted to jump, because if I died now, I wouldn't let anyone down.

"If you think like that, you'll never get up in the morning. Everyone fails at some point." he thought for a moment, evidently trying to articulate wht he's thinking. "You need to cultivate an air of indifference. Something that you can put on and off like a cloak. Sure, you'll worry, but when the moment comes, you have to be focused. Like how you felt going after the Master for the second time. Don't let fear get in the way".

I kind of understand what he's saying, But I don't know if I can do that. Not that I say that to him, of course. "Ah, look! There's your house!" he said suddenly, his tone brightening. Then he turns to me and says "You know, that's a nasty looking bite you've got there. Would you like me to do something about that?" Just as I was about to ask what, I remembered him healing Willow. And, seeing as how my Mom is bound to ask questions, especially seeing as how it looks remarkably similar to the scar Darla had given her, I accept.

He reached out both hands, to hover them on both sides of my head. The dull ache from the wound, and the sting of various scrapes I hadn't even noticed, faded away. Besides that, and the faint glow I could see in my peripheral vision, there was no sign that he was doing anything. Although, I suppose that if it was possible to see my own neck, I probably would see something.