Letters From Iroh

Understanding

"It'll be okay."

My mother was always extremely claustrophobic. I didn't ever especially adore the idea of being forced into a space too small to be rationally categorised as comfortable, but it wasn't one of that my fears. I always considered mine to be grander, bigger, and more crippling.

Now, I see that was selfish. "I hope so." I turned to face the man I love, the one who truly, without a doubt, is the reason why I felt so fearless recently, and at once, unlike the once-in-a-blue-moon-calmed seas around us, I felt nothing but paranoia, the farthest thing from placidity. My only consolation was knowing it didn't stem from anything like before. "If we're wrong about this..." We hadn't entered the pass yet, but after lining up, seeing the smallest of our boats take up so much space already, I understood my mother's fear in a whole new form. I already felt suffocated, and so so afraid. I thought that feeling of uncertainty, the terror that came with the wild unknown, was behind me, but I knew fear wasn't ever going to leave my life forever. I couldn't control the world, could I?

That time, though, that lack of control wasn't solely my burden to bear. The fear I felt wasn't wasn't because of something childish, foolish, shallow or pedantic. That time, it was because I could lose him. I could lose everyone. I looked around. No one seemed happy. We were all on edge, but determination was omnipresent: a dim light amidst despair. "Hey, Bao."

I responded to another voice, one which continually inspired me, now so more than ever. "Yes, Korra?"

"Can I give you some advice?" I nodded, and she, incredulously, in spite of everything, laughed and winked at me. "I'm never wrong." She play punched my arm, and I winced. "I'm the Avatar, a born leader!" She relaxed somewhat, smiling in a way I hadn't personally seen her do, at least not with me. It was warm and kind. Yet, underneath the show she was putting on, I could see the genuine presence of anxiety behind softly shining orbs of blue. It was sincerity in its rawest form, wordless reassurance, the true face of camaraderie brought out through the challenge before us. I felt like I was looking into the eyes of more than just one person, like I was connected to a grander, stronger legacy all at once.

Asami came up behind me then, clearing her throat. "Right." Korra nodded, turning away from me before I could respond. "Positions, everyone! Be on your guard! Bao." She handed me the microphone. "You are, too."

"What?" I blinked, not fully understanding.

"You're born to do this, just like me." I couldn't believe what was happening. Did she mean it? Did she not see what I saw? How lame I was? "You're a leader, even if you're too stupid to know it. So," She beamed "Lead us home!" I blushed, and agreed, smiling now, too, inspired despite my previous hesitation.

The exact directions I gave the crew, what I said specifically that safely ensured the passage of the the ships ahead of us, seemed as though a different person was giving them. Miraculously, we made it -well- the first several ships made it. The light lasted longer than any of us could hope for, but then, as fate would have it, something happened. Something terrible happened. We didn't get our chance to make it to the other side.

The skies darkened just as the vessel ahead of us traversed perfectly, securing safe passage for almost the entire fleet. I don't know how or why I felt the way I did, but I got the sense what was targeting us had a higher than typical level of sentience, which was obvious enough, seeing that it was a spirit, but I got the feeling it was in a league of it's own, and in that moment, I knew it wanted something from us- just us. It's fight ended here. This creature, for whatever reason, solely had issues with those on board our ship. It was apparent in its actions, so my thoughts, though in my own mind seemingly divine, other-worldly, wisdom from another land, were more or less observations than anything else. If it was true, what I was thinking then, I felt foolish for not considering it a plausibility beforehand. We had scores of chances to test such a theory. Then again, Korra did make it pretty clear she blamed herself, her uncle, the bigger war at hard for earning its ire. It wouldn't be the only spirit to act this way, to target innocent humans for the wrongs of others. Still, it didn't add up. It didn't fit. A piece of the puzzle remained lost. Fortunately, and also extremely unfortunately, I didn't have time to mull it over. The moment we were alone, it struck. Large, low-hanging yellow eyes flashed before ours, and I knew what was happening. Somehow, too, I knew this spirit's endgame was far from being reached, even when faced with its target, now aware of it's aims, or at least, more so than in prior days. Simply attacking us, it didn't seem to make sense. It had numerous opportunities, to sink our fleet, to kill us, to lead us away from its territory, but that wasn't enough. What did it want? Could it be trying to communicate with us in some way?

Korra acted first. She seemed to think so. "We need to get out of here."

"What?" Iroh replied, as the waters around us began to churn, the calm before the storm broken even sooner than expected. "What do you mean, get out of here?"

"We need to exit the ship!" Korra responded immediately. "I know it sounds foolhardy but we'll be safer on land!"

"What land?" For the first time in as long as I knew him, Iroh seemed scary. I knew he had to have that revered, imposing side to him, but I never witnessed it firsthand. "We're at sea! I will not issue a command that will lead my men to abandon this ship!"

"Not abadon." Korra replied, not at all phased. "Just leave it."

"That is the same thing."

"No, it's not!"

"I don't think it wants the ship." I broke in, strangley enough, or not. I wasn't sure of my place anymore, so I was equally in the dark about how to mind it. "If I was able to handle this thing on my own before, I think it's motivation must stem from something else!"

"Oh, enough with that!" Iroh yelled at me. I didn't blame him for doing so, now was hardly the time to go on about my less-than-perfect bending skills, the start of everything between us, and the underlying conflict fueling what remained of my vast insecurities, that never truly got resolved. "You're stronger than you think! You were unconscious. You can't expect us to develop a strategy now based on something you can't even remember!"

"He has a point, Bao." Korra replied. "Now's not the-"

"No!" I continued, interrupting. "That's not what I mean!" I sighed, trembling. We didn't have that much time, but Korra was right. Leaving the ship did seem safer. I didn't know what made me see it that way, but I did. It just felt like the right move. "Look at how we've interacted with it before! It left the rest of the vessels alone! I'm not looking to justify my actions, or belittle myself at all, now's hardly the time for that, but don't you think its odd I was able to handle it all by myself? Korra's the only one who's gone toe-to-toe one-on-one with something like this and its a hard fight! It left us back there. It left all of them!" I pointed to where we could see the faint haze of the smoke coming from the other side of the cliffs, meaning the rest of our group was safe, and the skies just on the other side of the wind and rain this thing was whipping up were clear and filled with enough light to offset the darkness in which we were presently trapped. Remarkably, the strait, though dangerous in the extreme sense, was short, and narrow. It was a rough, streamlined ride but one over faster than it began once executed correctly. "It wants something. I don't know what, but its followed us wherever we go. I think it'll follow us off the ship, too!"

"I won't leave my men." Iroh shut his eyes.

"Obviously." Korra scoffed. "Everyone's coming."

"Coming where?" Iroh retorted. He clearly didn't like being bossed around.

The winds picked up more than I could have foreseen, causing the waves to cap. White spray pelted the windows. The ship rocked back and forth and she handed me the receiver again, pointing to the high rocks now closer to us than ever. "Up there. Tell everyone. Assemble the benders first. We're taking refuge on those."

"That's insane!" Iroh responded.

"Do you have a better plan?" Korra was yelling out of necessity now.

None of us could think of one. "Bao." I looked to each of them, as I wasn't given any order specifically. "What do you think?"

They asked me what I thought. I'd never have asked for this chance to be a leader, and I doubted Korra's comments. Still in the heat of the moment, in the face of all my fears, my hatred of having to face a choice, I closed my eyes, exhaling, disagreeing with someone I never thought I would. I moved my lips to the mouthpiece before me, and spoke. Again, it was a different girl addressing those around her.

"Listen up everyone." I turned, surprised to find myself able to smile at Iroh before continuing, preparing to follow The Avatar's instructions. I repeated exactly what he said to me, and it helped, at least, a little bit. He smiled, only briefly. He was more than afraid, and he didn't want to let it show.

"It'll be okay."