Ethereal

Demon Dean

ethereal; extremely delicate or refined; heavenly or celestial 

Dean and Castiel have been through so much since the first time they met. They've died, rebelled, and sacrificed for each other. The love they share is truly ineffable.

Castiel didn't find out about Dean being a demon until a month after he last died. With his stolen grace running out, he was more like a human than an angel. Because of that, he had to sleep and eat to avoid being weaker than he already was. The thought of Dean falling asleep and never waking up scared Castiel into seeing Dean laying in a puddle of his own blood every time he closed his eyes. Castiel was staying in the bunker with Sam, since he didn't have anywhere else to live.

Sam was also haunted by the death of his older brother. Dean was his father figure throughout his entire life, and losing him meant the end of the world. He would have endless nightmares of his brother being torn to shreds each night. Even though he wanted to see his brother, Sam never entered, or even peeked, into the room in which Dean rested. It hurt too much to see that his death actually happened.

For a week, the bunker was filled with mournful silence as Sam and Cas never exchanged words, but sorrowful glances. Dean's death was a grim reminder that even the most permanent things are temporary. Some nights, Castiel would lay awake in bed as silence encompassed him until Sam's crying and praying was audible. He always thinks to console Sam, but he doesn't know how. He can't just go into Sam's room and tell him that everything's going to be okay, because he knows it's not.

After a week of misery, Castiel decided to visit Dean. He went into the room his body was supposed to be in to find that Dean's body was nowhere in sight. He went to Sam and asked what room Dean was in. "He should be in his room." Sam answered. "Why?"

"I just went in there, but he's not there." Castiel was confused and a little worried.

Sam jumped up and ran into the room. Just as Castiel had said, the corpse of his big brother was missing. The two spent many weeks desperately searching for Dean.

Eventually, Dean showed up. He was sitting outside of the bunker one day while Sam and Cas were out looking for him. When they returned home, Sam stepped out of the car and froze in his tracks as he noticed that the man resting against the wall before him was his brother, and he was alive. Castiel was talking about how they may have to leave the country to find Dean, but stopped in mid sentence when he saw Dean Winchester. Sam started walking toward Dean, opening his arms as a warning that Dean was about to be caught in a hug. A smile spread across his face and his glassy eyes were replaced with a hopeful light when he hugged Dean.

"I'm so glad you're alive." He breathed. "Me too." Dean smiled. After Sam and Dean finished their hellos, Castiel hugged Dean. "Hey Cas." Dean murmured. "Hello Dean." Castiel replied. Even though he had some questions for Dean, he didn't want to let go of this moment. Seeing Dean alive and smiling after a month of eternal heartache made Cas feel euphoric. The human he rebelled and fell for was still alive and that's all that matters.

The next couple of days were different. Dean was different. He wasn't as human as he was before. Every time Castiel asked Dean how he came back to life, Dean would act weird and try to change the subject. Castiel talked to Sam about how Dean acted awkward when he brought that subject into conversation.

"Then don't bring it up." Sam said. "It's obvious he's uncomfortable talking about it."

"But it doesn't make any sense." Castiel argued.

"Listen, I want to know how he came back to life, too, but we just have to give him time. Who knows? Maybe he doesn't remember." Sam replied.

"Fine." Castiel accepted defeat as he left Sam's room.

Castiel avoided talking to Dean about his death, even though it was bothering him even more as each day passed. Sam was just so relieved to have Dean back that he dismissed his weird behavior. Castiel, on the other hand, did not. He tried researching as much as he could to find out what is wrong with Dean. After the research failed, he blamed it on the Mark of Cain. Dean's died many times before, and he always came back the same, if not a bit more depressed. This time, he was a little happier and care-free. Castiel was glad to see Dean happy, but it was just so out of character. Finally, it all clicked into place, but it still didn't make sense.

A few nights later, the three sat at the table and ate dinner. Other than the sound of forks clicking against plates, it was silent. Sam ate a salad and Castiel ended up eating ribs. Dean wasn't eating, though. He watched the other two eat and halfway through dinner excused himself. He went outside of the bunker. A few minutes later, Castiel followed. Castiel found Dean sitting on the steps with his head in his hands.

"Dean, what's wrong? Why aren't you eating?" Castiel asked.

"Cas, go back inside." Dean ordered, not looking up.

"Not until you tell me what's going on." Castiel demanded.

Dean looked at Castiel as he stood up. Castiel stared at Dean's eyes in disbelief. The eyes that were once auroras of various greens were now a black oblivion. "Dean." Castiel breathed, reaching for him. He touched Dean's shoulder, the same shoulder he held onto when he pulled him out of Hell. He was there for him then, and he's there for him now.

"The Mark of Cain- it did this to me. It wouldn't let me go that easy, so it changed me." He said, uneasiness in his voice.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Castiel asked.

"I didn't want you to see me as a monster."

"You're not a monster. You're Dean Winchester. A hero since birth." Cas comforted.

"What about Sam? How will he see me?"

"Dean, have you forgotten Ruby? How about Meg? You're not the first demon he's worked with. Plus, you're his brother, and he would rather take you as a demon than dead. You're anything but a monster in his eyes."

"What about when I lose control and go on a killing spree?" Dean questioned.

"Trust me, you're not going to lose control."

"Yes I am. I already have. Several times, in fact."

Castiel sighed. "We will find a way to help. Is there anything else you haven't told me?"

"No." Dean answered.

"Good. Let's keep it that way." Castiel patted Dean's shoulder and went back inside. He would've told Sam that night, but he was exhausted and he wanted Sam to believe that nothing was wrong for just a little bit longer.

That night, Castiel had trouble sleeping, but instead of the crying and praying he was used to hearing through the walls, it was silent. The silence didn't have it's usual painful and heart wrenching vibe, either. This silence was calming, like a mother murmuring a lullaby to her newborn baby.