Last Hope

Chapter 1: I Can't Forget

"There's nothing left, I used to cry. My conversation has run dry. That's what's going on, nothing's fine I'm torn."

Adriana

~ 4 months later ~

I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Destiny, poking at my so called 'chili'. It has chunks of what couldn't possibly be meat floating around. I lost my appetite just looking at it.

"I'm not hungry. Or should I say I don't wanna puke this out later." I grumble, pushing it away. l still have what's little left of my humor.

Destiny looks at me with concern, I ignore it, staring blankly into space. Her family's been nice enough to let me stay with them for the next two years until I graduate. Too nice. I don't deserve their kindness. 

"Are you ok?" Destiny questions, looking in my eyes. I drop my gaze as soon as our eyes meet.

After all these years, Destiny can read me like an open book. But I still pretend I don't know.

"I'm fine." I lie. An over-used lie. l knew she didn't believe me.

The truth was I was dieing inside. I wanted to run out and scream, and bang my head against every wall. But that would only result with a trip to the princapal's office, with yet another strike on my file. And l'd probably need to book appointments with the therapists again. There's no point though, really. No one can fix me now. I'm beyond repair.

Besides, I couldn't afford them. Destiny's family would inisit on paying, and they've already done more than enough.

The reason l'm worse then any other day is because today is my little sister, Kate's birthday. Every time I try to focus in class, I think about her. How l couldn't save her, how l will never see her again, how much she deserves to live more than me.

"Adriana... " Destiny starts, taking my out of my trance.

"Yes?" I whisper after a long deadly silence.

"Do you want me to come with you after school?" She offered.

Even after everything l don't let people in. It's not fair to Destiny, shes always been supportive. But I'm not ready yet. Not ready to spill my heart out. I don't think l'll ever be ready.

Just then the bell rings.

"No thanks." I reply, putting on the fake smile I've been giving the world.

 I need to do this alone.

~ After School ~

I took a deep breath as I walked into the cemetery. I can do this.

I walked slowly towards the grave stone marked, Kate Johnson October 21, 2004 - June 16, 2011. I kneeled in front of it and delicately laid down a dozen wieseneri-magnolias, her favourite flower.

"Happy Birthday Kate." I spoke with a quivering smile.

I felt my tears bubbling to the surface as I told her whats I've been happening over the last few months. She's the only one I've opened up too. After two hours of non-stop ramblings, I run out of things to say. I sat there for a few minutes tracing the pattern slowly on the grave stone.

"I really miss you."I choked out before the tears finally fell through. I miss her so much. 

I never went home that night. I laid there for hours crying, until the tears exhausted me to sleep. And a sleep without dreams, is the only place I find peace anymore.

*** 

"Illusion never changed, into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn."