The Love That Binds Me (Tsukishima Kei x Trans! Male Reader)

Found Out

You and Tsukishima Kei have been friends for years. It's a strange friendship many would say, but it doesn't matter all that much. Not to you and Tsukki at least. He insults you, yeah, but you know he doesn't mean it. Even if he does mean it, he'll always apologize later, after he realises he hurt you. He doesn't seem nice to others, but to you he's different. He's kind and funny, he always knows what to say when you're down and he protects you.

You love him more than you can explain. There are no words to describe how strongly you feel about Tsukki. You love him. I love you. The same words you think every day, but can never say. Of course, you're afraid. Afraid of rejection, disgust, and anger. Deep inside, you trust that Tsukishima wouldn't react that way, but something still holds you back.

You have a fear larger than your feelings. If anyone, even Tsukki were to find out, you wouldn't know what you would do.

Under your shirt, is hidden a chest binder. You're not a real boy, not in the sense that many think of at least. You know you're a real boy. You're transgender, born a girl; but you had always been a boy on the inside. You know Tsukishima says he'd never judge you for anything, but god, you just can't bring yourself to tell him. The thought of him knowing you're biologically female? If you're honest it scares the shit out of you. At this point, he'd probably at least be angry that you didn't tell him sooner.

You pulled your shirt off, sweaty and wet after volleyball practice with the boys team, which luckily you had gotten permission to join after a quick chat with Takeda-sensei. Thankfully, the locker rooms have bathroom stalls, which you change in. The sports bra you had on was disgustingly sticky, and was attached to your skin like tape. You tried your best to pull it off, and eventually got it, but the process had taken longer than you thought and you ended up out of breath being easily winded as an effect from wearing your binder the whole school day. You pulled the binder back on, attempting to roll it over your still damp skin, which proved to be even more of a chore than taking off the sports bra, ending in you getting stuck with it rolled up above your chest.

A knock sounded on the stall door and you jumped, glancing wide eyed at it. "(L/N)-san, are you alright in there?" Tsukishima's voice came from the other side of the tan painted metal. "Y-yes Tsukki, I'm fine. I'll be out in just a minute, okay?" You reply to him, your voice still hoarse from being so loud during practice. He never answers, probably having put on his headphones because you were taking so long.

Then disaster struck. You had only partially locked the door, and your friend leaning against the door had caused it to slide open, and in toppled the tall blond, landing gracelessly on his ass in the stall. He turned his head, mouth open and ready to make a snarky remark, when he froze, eyes landing on your binder which stuck out like a sore thumb against your skin. Of course you HAD to choose black and not go with a nude color. Your arms practically flew up in an attempt to cover your chest as a last resort of protection from his eyes.

"Tsukishima, get out!" You hollered, bringing your arms up to cover your chest. You could feel his eyes burning into your skin, and you felt disgusting. You began to tremble and could already tell you were going to cry later. The blond shook his head, snapping out of his stare. "Sorry..." Tsukishima muttered, pushing himself back onto his feet. As he left the stall, you slammed it shut, pushing him the rest of the way out since he was going too slow for your liking.

You couldn't breathe. He wasn't supposed to find out. You weren't ready for him to know. You unrolled your binder as quickly as you could, pulling on your shirt and hoodie after, not hesitating to pick up your bag and hurry out of the locker room. You could hear Tanaka and Nishinoya teasing Tsukishima about perving on you, but chose to ignore it, using them as a distraction to sneak past your friend and outside. You could feel hot, wet tears slipping down your cheeks, noticing Coach Ukai and Takeda-sensei's eyes on you as you left. They were the only two associated with the volleyball team that knew your secret. They probably knew what had happened from your shouting and the loud sound of the door slamming against the stall.

You took the long way, going around all the gymnasiums and school buildings so Tsukishima wouldn't spot you if he were to leave the locker rooms. You slipped out the front gate of the school and headed down the street, once you reached the corner, you didn't hesitate and ran home. Your house was blocks away, and you didn't care if it isn't healthy with your binder, you can't risk Tsukishima catching up with you. You could barely see the houses through your tears, the colors blurring together. Your breathing was heavy and labored and you knew you were pushing your limits, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop running. You could see your house from here, the familiar pale tan stucco coming into view as you moved. You ran up your driveway, shoving the key into the lock, entering the house as quick as possible, remembering to lock the door behind you.

You dropped your bag by the doors, and hurried up the stairs, entering your room you slammed the door shut behind you. Your bed is freshly made, white and teal sheets neatly folded. You throw yourself on to the bed dramatically, press your face into the pillows, and scream bloody murder. "I hate my life..." You mumble, groaning as you roll over to look at the ceiling, warm tears dripping down your face, wetting the sheets you lay on.

---
A quiet knock sounded from downstairs. Your eyes widened as I heard the lock on the front door turning. Tsukishima has a spare key, doesn't he? You began to panic. You didn't want to see him, or anyone. Not right now. You jump up, running and hiding in your closet.
"(L/N)-san, are you here?" Tsukishima called and you flinched back as you heard his footsteps getting louder as he started coming up the stairs. You heard the familiar creak of your door as it was pushed open. A ragged breath escapes your throat at the prospect of him finding you, not yet ready to see him.

You began to shake as you heard him walk into your room, covering your mouth with your hand as you cried, struggling to breathe. The door to the closet is opened, and light floods your vision as Tsukishimas golden eyes land on you.

You squirm uncomfortably, trying desperately to will him to leave.

"Go away, Tsukishima. You don't have to talk to me." You whisper, pulling your knees to your chest, hiding your face.

 That was when warm arms wrapped around you.

A hug?

Why would he hug something as disgusting as-

"(L/N)-san, it's okay. You're okay. I'm here."

His voice. It's... kind?

"I don't care that you're trans, idiot. You're my friend and that's what matters."

Why?

"I'm not going to leave you."

You don't understand, but you don't need to.

You hug him back with all you have, shakily sobbing into his shoulder, trying to catch your breath. He's warm, and you're warm, stomach filled with butterflies as the embrace is held. You're glad you have him in your life.

I love you, Tsukishima Kei.