Helpless Luna

0.ílios

|my first attempt at writing|
|M.N|

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Some people say fate is like destiny, because we cannot change it.
but is this really true?
Is there such a thing as fate or destiny?

All I know is that our life as it is now is created by the results of the choices we ourselves made according to the tendencies of our own mind .

Did I made my own choice ? Or did I just accepted my fate without fighting ? Did I even wanted to fight ?

God I am going crazy !
My eyes were burning from the lack of sleep ,my mind was a mess .
I think i am going insane .

~~~
Naturally my wolf would talk to me , would comfort me , but I ve lost her five years ago.

The pack doctor said that losing your wolf was a rare thing , but it can happen when you go through an intense emotional experience , a trauma ...

I know why my wolf leaved me though .
She is sorrowful .
she is depressed .
She hates me .
I hurt her .
I hurt us.
that's why  I am feeling useless , I am barely surviving without it.

~~~

I was lying on the bed , it was a cold morning , tanned tatooed arms were wrapped around my waist possessively . ílios, my mate was soundly sleeping , his lips slightly parted and his dark hair was sticking up everywhere. He was handsome with his sharp features , looking serious and dangerous even in his sleep .

ílios is the alpha of our pack and I am his luna we are considered as the most powerful pack .

My mate is violent and ruthless. Everyone feared him including me . But I know he wont do anything to me though . Because He loves me .
Do I love him back ?

No I don't , not in a romantic way . And he knows that.

Because my heart belong to someone else, my soul belongs to my true soulmate who I only saw him once when I was 18 .

I didn't know his name , I didn't touch him , I didn't kiss him , I didn't have the chance to even hug him because when I saw him in the woods , he was running from someone , but I didn't know from who , he said that someone want him dead and he can't risk taking me with him .

"Why ? Why don't you take me with you ?"
"I can't.  I am sorry . I ...I have to go "
"No !!! Wait please . I don't even know your name"
"Look I can't take you with me and put your life in danger.  I will return  to you.  I promise you ."

He promised me he would come back to me .

He didn't .

After five years here I am mated to alpha ílios . Was I forced to mate him ?
No .
It was my choice .
I don't love ílios in a romantic way but I feel protective over him , he needs me .

Alpha ílios lost his mate four years ago , she committed suicide.
Until now nobody knows why she did such a thing, some people say that ílios is responsible for her death .
Bullshit  , alpha ílios loved his mate immensely , he was willing to do anything for her .

Then why did he mate me ?
Why did he chose another female ?

Because the pack needed a luna , everything was out of control, everything was collapsing, an alpha without his luna is a total chaos .
Why did he chose me though ?

I was the daughter of the beta , and alpha ílios was and still is my best friend .I was by his side all the time helping him , he was fragile in front of me , he was broken . I couldn't let my pack sink any further , I couldn't let ílios fall into insanity so I chose him .

I didn't wait for my real mate .