Alone [G.D]

~1~

Have you ever heard someone call someone else a horrible name? Like ugly, fat, disgusting, worthless? Well, I have. Sort of. All those names have been said to me, and they're still being said. I don't know why, but they have, and it hurts. I've refrained from my old eating habits, because I was fat, and I still am. I cut. My arms. Specifically my wrists. It doesn't hurt anymore. It used to, but I got used to it after awhile, because I deserved it. Everyone said I deserve to die, and that no one wants me. It's probably true, but I stay stuck to this planet, because I have to take care of my mom. My everything. She hasn't been herself ever since dad died of a cocaine overdose. She's been drinking and smoking a lot. I've tried to make her stop, but she hit me, right on my cheek. She left a bruise, and I had to cover it with make up for about a week. My mom is jobless, so I bring in all the income, so we aren't very rich, as you would say. I go to Richmond High in North Carolina with over six hundred students, and they always have something to say to me. Except, they never call me a slut or a whore, because no guy has ever stood within fifteen feet of me. They treat me as if I'm a disease. I've never even had a boyfriend or a guy friend. I've never even had a friend.

My eyes are glued to the grey tiled floor, as I walk to my AP Calculus class. I can hear people whispering, and I can see them take a step back away from me, as I walk. I slightly shake my head, as I try to ignore the disgust people feel when they see me. I grab the doorknob of the class door, and I hear someone make a gagging noise behind me.
"Jesus, Madison, now no one can touch the doorknob. God, your disgusting." Claire says, as my grip tightens around the knob. 
I take in a deep breath, and let it out as I open the door. I walk in, and the few students that were in there are looking at me. Their eyes narrowed, as I take my seat in the very back of the class, away from everyone. All the empty seats are around me. It looks like I have a fortress around me or something. 
"Oh my god, you did not just touch the doorknob!" I hear Claire shriek, as her boyfriend, James, walks in.
"I did. Why?" He asks, and then his eyes land on mine. He clenches his fist, as he storms out of the room to the bathroom. I already know it.
I slump down into my chair more, as my long black hair falls into my face. I pull the sleeves of my maroon sweater over my hands, and wait for the bell to ring, so class starts. 
James comes back just as the late bell rings, and he shoots me a glare, as he sits by Claire and his friends. I bring back my attention to my desk, as I hear the teacher start the lesson. I run my fingers over the words that are engraved into my desk. Disgusting. Pig. Ugly. 

"Madison, please come solve the equation on the board." Mrs. Bernard says, and I look up from the desk.
I bite the inside of my cheek, as I push my hair behind my ears and stand up from my desk. I walk up to the board, and look at the problem.
"Infected." Someone says, as they try to cover it up with a cough.
I feel my cheeks burn, as I pick up the erasable marker. I quickly solve the equation, and walk back to my desk. My hands are shaking, and I feel my lungs shrivel up into nothing.
Breathe, Madison. Breathe. 

I take in deep breaths, as I dig my nails into the palm of my hand. "Good job, Madison." The teacher says, as she erases my work.

I try to smile at her, but my lip trembles. Please don't notice that. Her smile falters, and I know its too late. She noticed.
"Okay, now turn to page two hundred fifty-three in your textbook, and do all the problems." Mrs. Bernard says, as her eyes leave mine.
I pull my textbook out from my backpack, and flip it open. I start to do the problems, but Mrs. Bernard calls me outside.
I stand outside the door, as she closes the door behind her, and gives me a kind smile. "Is everything alright?" She asks, as she crosses her arms over her chest.
"Yes." I say.
I try to say it confidently, but it doesn't come out that way.
"Are the kids bullying you?" Her expression is worrying me.
"No, ma'am. I'm alright." I lie, as I pick at a loose string on my sweater.
"I'm sorry if this offends you, Madison, but you look unhealthy. You are really thin." Mrs. Bernard says, as she places a hand on my shoulder.
Now the teachers are lying to make me feel better. Just leave me alone.
"I-I'm fine."
"Madison, are you getting enough to eat at home?"
I feel my eyes start to burn, as tears start to fill up my eyes. "Y-yes." I lie again.
"Then, what did you bring for lunch?" She asks, as her hand drops from my shoulder, as she tilts her head to look at me.
"Nothing." I wipe my eyes, and look at her.
"Do you want me to bring you some food? Like a sandwich?"
"I'm sorry, Mrs. Bernard, but I'm not a charity case. I don't need your help." I say, as I reach for the class door.
"Is there something you're not telling me, Ms. Merrell?" She asks, as she steps in front of me.
"No, I-I just want to go back to class." I mumble, as a tear slides down my cheek.
"I'm just trying to help."
"I don't want your help." I open the classroom door, and walk back to my seat.
Some of the kids are snickering at me, as they notice my tears.

I gently close my locker, as I walk out of the school. I can finally go home. I grab my bike from the bike rack, and get on it, as I quickly pedal home. As I reach the house I see a moving truck at the house across from mine. Probably just another elderly couple. I lean my bike against the garage, and walk inside. I'm met with the all to familiar smell of cigarettes and alcohol. 
"Mom?" I call out, as I set my bag down on the kitchen counter.
"What?" She yells back harshly from the living room.
"We have new neighbors." I say, as I grab some empty beer bottles from the floor.
"Oh shit. Go grab a bottle of wine from the cabinets and bring it over, also don't you dare mention a single thing about me." My mom huffs out a big puff of smoke, as I nod.
"Of course." I say, as I walk back to the kitchen, and grab a bottle of wine like she asked. I also grabbed some blueberry muffins I made the other day for breakfast, and put it on a paper plate. I head out, and start to cross the street. The first person I see is a woman. Maybe in her late forties. 
"Uh, hi." I say, as I walk up to her.
"Hey." She says, as she picks up a box from the ground.
"These are for you. It's a welcome to the neighborhood gift." I say, as I try to give her my best fake smile.
"Oh my. Thank you." She says, as she smiles, and small wrinkles appear by her eyes. "My hands are full, is it okay if you put them on the counter inside? It's okay if you're not allowed to."
"Oh, it's fine. I'll put them inside." I say, as I start to get nervous.
I usually don't interact this much with other people besides my mom.
I walk inside, and turn to look at the woman again. "My house is different, um, where is your kitchen?" I ask, as she juts her chin out to the left. 
I walk down the short hallway, and turn left at the first doorway. I walk in, and I see a guy setting a box down. His back muscles protruding from his too tight shirt. I look away, and set the stuff down, as he turns to look at me. Oh no. 
"Gray, this is?" The lady waits for me to answer.
"Madison." I say, as I anxiously scratch my arm.
"I'm Grayson, nice to meet you." He says, as he holds out his hand, and I hesitate before taking it. 

"Well, I better get going." I say, as I point to my house.
"Wait, can I ask you a quick question?" The lady asks, as she sets her box down.
I nod my head, as I take a quick glance at Grayson. He's looking at his mom then back to me. "What school do you go to and what grade are you in?" She asks.
"Mom, that's two questions." He says chuckling, as he shakes his head.
His teeth are very white and straight.
"Uh, I go to Richmond High, and I am a junior." I feel my hands tremble.
"That's where I'm going tomorrow actually." Grayson says, and I just nod my head.
I really need to go. I can already feel myself panicking, and the room feels like its getting smaller.
"Is it okay if I ask you to show him around?" His mom asks, and I feel my lungs explode.

"I-I can't. I'm not a person you want to be seen at school with." I stutter, and I see his mom's mouth fall open, as Grayson takes in a breath.
"That's silly. You're so sweet." She says.
"I really have to go, but I'm so sorry." I say, as I walk as fast as I could out of their house.
"Thank you for the muffins!" I hear Grayson call out, and a lump grows in my throat.
It's only a matter of hours before he finds out how the whole school feels about me. Before I know it, he'll hate me too. He'll be like everyone else, if he's not already.

~<3~

A/N
5 votes for the next chapter.

I will post as often as I can, but please do not rush me. :) Enjoy!